Wildwood smoking ban is pure silliness
Looks like Wildwood is going to ban smoking on the boardwalk. Lovely. But foolish.
I’m all for smoking bans, don’t get me wrong. In fact, I’d be fine with making smoking illegal (with current smokers grandfathered in). After all, smoking kills. Nearly 500,000 Americans a year see their lives cut short as a result of tobacco use. And besides, cigarettes don’t even do anything. They’re not like booze or pills or other illicit drugs that actually go ahead and get you high; cigarette smokers only smoke to regain balance.
I’m off on a tangent already, but I may as well finish: Ask any smoker over the age of 40 if they would prefer to never have been a smoker, and you’ll get 99 percent of them affirming that question. Doesn’t work that way for booze or marijuana. I used to smoke cigarettes and I wish I never did. I still drink, and don’t care. I used to smoke weed, and once it’s legal, I probably will again.
So yeah. Smoking cigarettes is a silly choice to make, and anyone who currently smokes should stop if they value their health.
But for Wildwood to ban smoking on the boardwalk? Come on. It’s outside. It’s not like smokers are going to grab me by the head and French kiss American Spirits down my throat; I’m a big boy, and I can handle a whiff of Marlboro as I stroll the boards. And yes, so could my precious, darling little babies. Their lungs are resilient.
Of course, Wildwood wouldn’t be the first. Can’t smoke on the boardwalk (or beaches) of Belmar, Seaside Park, Beach Haven, Surf City, and a few more.
But why? Who is that concerned with outdoor, transitory, second hand smoke? I’m not sitting in a concrete bunker with Johnny Depp, Sean Penn and Kim from accounts payable sharing a carton of Winstons. If anything — as a former smoker — the occasional nose tickle from a ciggie is actually quite pleasant. (One of my favorite smell memories of all time is the mixture of ocean air, Hawaiian Tropic oil, and a lit Camel Light dangling off my lips.) (Anyone else really want a cigarette right now? Good gracious. Anyway …)
Anyway, you want to ban people from smoking indoors, that’s fine, I get it. I don’t want to be assaulted with smoke indoors. But outside? Come on. A smoker and his cigarette is taking up, at most, about 100 cubic feet. I have 31 sextillion feet of cubic feet left on Earth to inhabit, and I swear I am not making up that number. I can move over a few inches if the smoke is that bothersome to me.
And if we’re really being honest, of all the things that can kill or annoy me at Wildwood (or other beaches that have banned smoking), secondhand smoke is pretty low on the list.
COULD KILL: Fried Oreos, the sun.
COULD ANNOY: Other people’s children.
COULD KILL AND ANNOY: Anyone who is playing music on the beach without headphones. Really. What’s up with you? Given the choice, I’d rather have someone duct tape my mouth while exhaling a Newport directly up my nostrils than listen to whatever it is coming out of your speakers. Go back to Staten Island. And my god, if it’s some kind of dance music, I’d actually silently wish death upon you, which I know is waaaaay over the line, but it’s how I feel, and I’m not apologizing for it.
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.
Anyway, you want to ban people from smoking indoors, that’s fine, I get it. I don’t want to be assaulted with smoke indoors. But outside? Come on. A smoker and his cigarette is taking up, at most, about 100 cubic feet