Miller/Sheldon’s ‘Party Party’ looks towards New Jersey’s 2017 gubernatorial race
TRENTON » One unsuccessful attempt at running for “president” won’t discourage Rocky Miller or Shauna Sheldon. In fact, they’re now aiming their sights towards the most important office on West State Street. Miller, 42 and Sheldon, 29 are once again teaming up but this time they’re running for New Jersey Governor and Lieutenant Governor under the newly resurrected Miller/Sheldon “Party Party” ticket.
“When you look at the gubernatorial candidates for 2017 the need for comic relief is obvious,” says Miller. “Our campaign strategy was easy. We simply changed last year’s presidential slogan of ‘Make America Drunk Again’ to ‘Make New Jersey Drunk Again.’”
McManimon’s Pub on Liberty Street serves as “campaign headquarters” where both Miller and Sheldon sit perched upon their bar stools in matching “Miller/Sheldon” shirts. Surprisingly, almost every patron sitting at the bar has the same “…change is coming” slogan written across their chest.
“Our plan is to initiate an agenda that focuses on various stages of inebriation,” says Sheldon. “If anything, we’d rather fill voters with spirits instead of bull **** ! It’s a winning recipe.”
Miller and Sheldon invested both their time and personal finances into making the campaign as successful as possible. The team believes that marketing is essential and materials such as mailers, t-shirts, stickers, beer mugs, and shot glasses decorate the shelves and walls of their headquarters.
The Miller/Sheldon platform is simple and similar to last year’s presidential campaign. The “Party Party” promises “… to provide a resource where traumatized voters can obtain mind-numbing cocktails and help lessen any frustrations the 2017 gubernatorial campaign may place on on both body and mind.”
“Last year’s branding initiatives worked out rather well,” says Miller. “Focusing on the ridiculousness of the current political climate makes a depressing reality easier to accept. Drinking heavily until the election is over makes it easier to cope. We wish to share that positivity with all of our constituents.”
It’s apparent that both Miller and Sheldon care about the people of New Jersey and how they manage election stress.
“Fake news and deceitful commercials wastes so much time and energy. Rocky and I wish to restore voters with the care they really need,” says Sheldon.
The Miller/Sheldon team put in place a “five-point system” which they believe will help voters manage any election-related tension. Those five points are:
Trade-in the television for a comfortable bar stool: Nothing relieves the stress and anxiety of watching those painfully transparent political ads like visiting a local pub where “everybody knows your name.”
Beer Boost: A cold beer or two can definitely help manage an unpleasant situation; and what’s more unpleasant than politics? Beer also makes hanging out with other people more pleasurable and assists with relieving politicallyrelated angst.
Accelerate Slowly: If beer alone isn’t erasing the frustration of your empty political experience, step it up with a shot of anything “top shelf.” Feeling warm and fuzzy from the neck down is better than feeling misled and misinformed from the neck up.
Safety First: Since politicians can literally “drive us to drink,” it’s important to make sure we never drink and drive. Call a friend or call a car service. Always keep it safe.
Post-Election Follow-Up Care: An effective follow-up care plan post-election is essential. Whether your candidate won or lost, or whether you just want to ignore it all for the next few years it doesn’t matter. The Miller/Sheldon will develop a personalized plan to help you persevere.
As the Miller/Sheldon team is busy finalizing plans for a huge “Election Night Bash” at their campaign headquarters, Rocky Miller’s thoughts revolve around the real message he and Shauna Sheldon wish to send.
“The working-class voters are very concerned about New Jersey’s future and the role our government is playing,” says Miller. “Meanwhile, while dealing with all of the uncertainty we ‘working-class folk’ need to find ways to keep ourselves laughing. It’s way better than the alternative.”