Why Johnny Depp is a victim

When we last convened on the topic of Captain

Jack Sparrow and Aquaman’s paramour, the focus was all about the #MeToo movement, which makes sense since that has consumed the atmosphere and ether for the past few years. But I’m kicking myself for missing the real heart of the controversy, and it’s time to right that wrong.

Johnny Depp is a victim of domestic abuse. He is not just someone who has been defamed or simply lied about by a dissatisfied partner. The evidence that has been elicited at trial by Depp, Heard and all of their respective witnesses satisfies the civil burden, a preponderance of same, that the woman physically and emotionally abused the man. And if it were a criminal case, I have little doubt that it would satisfy that standard too.

It’s not a popular thing to accuse a woman of abuse. We are conditioned to believe that the physically weaker sex is usually the victim, and the suggestion that she is actually the one who is causing the damage is met with derision by some, anger by others. I’ve seen it when

I’ve talked about my immigrant victims of abuse. People generally nod their heads in sympathy when I talk about an illiterate woman from Honduras who was raped and beaten by her livein “pareja,” but when I mention that a young man from Guatemala was kicked in the genitals by his rabid American wife, they tend to chuckle. The men, in particular, say things along the line of “that dude is an idiot, no man lets himself get done over by a chick.” (That is an exact quote, by the way.)

I’ve handled battered spouse cases for many years. That’s the type of immigration petition where an immigrant who has been abused by a U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident seeks the protection of the laws, and the ability to avoid deportation/ removal. They’re very difficult

cases to prepare because of the type of abuse involved, and after 27 years specializing in this field I’m still not used to it.

If I were to tally the number of males versus females in the cases I’ve handled, the men would win hands down. That’s a strange way of putting “abuse” percentages, but

my point is that I’ve seen at least as many husbands who have been persecuted by their American citizen wives than the other way around.

While it’s clear that Johnny Depp is a broken creature, addicted to drugs, sex, and risky behavior, it’s also clear that he was a victim of abuse from the women in his life. His mother, by all accounts, sounds like a horrible human being who made his childhood unlivable,

and while many of the women he partnered with have only good things to say, his relationship with Heard was beyond toxic. They were, and are, two narcissistic sadomasochists (sado in her case, maso in his) and it’s hard to fee any real sympathy for either.

Except when you look deeper, and see that Depp really is the victim here, and the fact that he had to sue this woman for defamation is proof positive

that our society is completely off kilter. A man who was physically beaten, had his finger sliced off, was regularly screamed at, lied about, and ridiculed by the woman he obviously loved, then has to sit by and watch her turn that around and accuse him of being the beast. Beauty was out to get her pound of flesh, and society (at least initially) was on her side.

This time, though, “Beast” fought back and

in the process, revealed a backstory that is shared by many male victims of abuse. It’s not always physical, and it’s not always at the level of a felony, and it may sometimes take the form of emotional manipulation, but it’s there.

As someone who knows what abuse looks like, and thinks that those who engage in it should be locked up behind bars, forever (which I suppose is an impossible dream but my idea of justice), I don’t see

the sex of the victims as having any particular importance. The problem is that until recently, society did. Men predators, women prey. That is slowly changing, even though the #MeToo movement set us back a few decades.

But the glimpses of Johnny Depp, opening his heart and exposing his demons, will hopefully bring us back to a place where decency, and fairness, do not depend on your gender.