Kirstie Alley’s passing brings out cruelty

I turned 61 last week.

I’ve passed the point where I can say with a straight face that I am “middle aged.”

The only people who reach 122 are Nepalese sherpas who live at the base of Mount Everest and drink cow urine, so my life expectancy is down to the last fifth or sixth of existence.

I’ve still outlasted my father who died at 43, my brother who died at 30, my aunt who died at 40 and my grandfather who died at 58.

Longevity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and the years behind me have been good ones.

They’ve also been eventful, and I’ve taken the opportunity to fill them with meaning and controversy.

The controversy has been collateral to the “meaningfulness” but that just confirms the righteousness of my decisions.

As Edith Piaf sang in her little sparrow trill, “Je ne regrette rien.”

In fact, I would have regretted keeping my mouth shut.

I don’t plan on joining the celestial choir any time soon, but birthdays make me think of the opposite end of the life cycle.

Every birthday morning, I have a somewhat ghoulish tradition of writing a mental obituary, composing my own epitaph since I don’t trust others to pen it for me.

I do think that we all should prepare our own “homegoings,” as my friends in the African American community call it.

That’s because there’s been a troubling trend toward speaking ill of the dead, and if you can get your story out before the haters have their say, you’ve won the eternal battle.

This was brought home to me when I read the cruel things that were written about Kirstie Alley, who died last week from a late-diagnosed cancer.

While she most recently sported blonde hair, most of us will remember her as the breathtakingly beautiful woman with the raven locks who replaced Diane in Sam’s affections on “Cheers.”

The character of Rebecca was the opposite of Shelly Long’s annoying and cerebral dilettante, filled with fire and fury and fun. She was a perfect replacement for Diane, even though the dynamic between her and Sam was completely different.

Alley appeared in many other roles, but she’ll always be remembered as Rebecca.

She was also a high-profile Scientologist. Up until recently, that was the only controversial aspect of this beloved comedian.

Then came Twitter, and Alley began to express political views that shocked the sort of fan who thought she walked in lockstep with their progressive outlook.

More importantly, she didn’t seem to hate Donald Trump.

In fact, in some tweets she endorsed his policies.

Kirstie’s public battles with her weight were also endearing, because who doesn’t love someone who is honest about their personal struggles?

But when it became clear that Kirstie was a conservative, and possibly a Trumper, the dogs of war were unleashed.

I would follow her Twitter feed and saw people write the most amazingly cruel things, acting as if she’d just declared her loyalty to ISIS.

But the worst part came after her death was announced.

Mixed in with the many expressions of sympathy and sorrow were a large amount of sarcastic digs about how Scientologists don’t think they can get cancer, and now isn’t she surprised?

They also dismissed her as a “Donald Trump Apologist” with her Wikipedia page immediately edited by some low life hacker to read “Conspiracy Theorist Nut Job.”

This was only moments after her death had been announced by her grieving children.

But this isn’t about left or right, to be honest.

This is about human decency. When a person dies, unless they’ve left a truly toxic mark on society, their passing should be either noted with respect or ignored. Hatred has no place in epitaphs.

I am sure that some on the right are as guilty of this vice as the legions on the left.

I wrote about the phenomenon when John McCain passed away, and condemned the partisan attacks from right-wing extremists. It is a shared inhuman flaw.

The point is that when someone ascends to whatever Heaven awaits, or descends to whatever depths he deserves, we should note that passing with grace, kindness, and a factotum of regret.

And if we cannot, we need to shut up, and hide the demons consuming us from within.