Join­ing po­lice force changes view toward brother’s drink­ing

The Tribune (SLO) - - Fun & Games - JEANNEPHIL­LIPS Con­tact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: My brother is my best friend. He is also an al­co­holic. It runs in our fam­ily, and he has been ad­dicted for years. His drink­ing has af­fected me in sev­eral (mi­nor) ways over the years, but I have al­ways taken a hands-off ap­proach.

Well, his drink­ing is start­ing to af­fect my life in a more se­vere way now. I joined the lo­cal po­lice force. I amafraid that my brother’s be­hav­ior could cost me my job if I’m seen with him while he acts out, or if I try to de­fend him.

I love my brother fiercely, and I don’t know what to do any­more. Please help. — Chal­lenged in the East Dear Chal­lenged: Es­tab­lish some ground rules by ex­plain­ing to your brother that although you love him, you can­not be seen with him if he has been drink­ing, for fear it will jeop­ar­dize your job. Make clear that if he breaks the law, you will be un­able to in­ter­cede for him.

You are not re­spon­si­ble for his ad­dic­tion or for what he does when he’s un­der the in­flu­ence. I’m not say­ing this will be emo­tion­ally easy for you, but you must let your brother suf­fer the con­se­quences for his be­hav­ior if he acts out.

Dear Abby: I have se­vere asthma and al­ler­gies, and I’m par­tic­u­larly sen­si­tive to bug sprays. If I’m ex­posed to them, my lips and tongue tin­gle for hours.

Ev­ery time my hus­band of 30 years sees a bug or even a small ant in our house, he reaches for the bug spray and sat­u­rates the house with it. He is well aware of how it af­fects me. I have asked him many times to please not use spray in the house, par­tic­u­larly when I amhome, to no avail.

He did it again yes­ter­day and got an­gry with me when I asked why. What is your ad­vice?— Fed up in Florida

Dear Fed Up: Stop ask­ing your hus­band not to use bug spray while you are in the house. Be pro- ac­tive and throw it out! You clearly have a se­vere al­lergy to some­thing in it, and for him to per­sist in spray­ing while you are on the premises strikes me as not only self­ish but also as a form of as­sault that’s po­ten­tially very se­ri­ous. Call an ex­ter­mi­na­tor to have it pro­fes­sion­ally done. There are other, less toxic ways to get rid of pests.

Dear Abby: I asked a woman I know pro­fes­sion­ally if she’d be in­ter­ested in hav­ing lunch. She said she would, and we had a lovely lunch— un­til the bill came. When I sug­gested we split it, she sug­gested I make it a busi­ness ex­pense. I told her I couldn’t do that be­cause it wasn’t a busi­ness lunch.

I know if you in­vite some­one to lunch, you pay, but I didn’t think that’s what I did. Do I owe this woman an apol­ogy? — Ev­ery­one Pays in Texas

Dear Ev­ery­one: Not un­less she be­came de­fen­sive. How­ever, be­cause you did the invit­ing, you should have paid the bill. If you want to lunch with her again, you should spec­ify, “Let’s split it.”

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