Daugh­ter of an ad­dict frowns on her hus­band’s drink­ing habits

The Tribune (SLO) - - Fun & Games -

Dear Abby: My moth­erin-law was a drug ad­dict for most of my wife’s life. Be­cause of this, my wife re­fuses to use any ad­dic­tive sub­stances, in­clud­ing al­co­hol. I en­joy hav­ing a beer or three oc­ca­sion­ally. I never get drunk, just pleas­antly tipsy. This hap­pens maybe once a month.

Every time I drink, she gets very judg­men­tal, as if I’m some sort of al­co­holic. I have tried talk­ing to her about it when I’m not drink­ing. She claims she doesn’t care if I drink oc­ca­sion­ally. Then as soon as I do, she rolls her eyes at me, sighs if I get a sec­ond one and asks me why I’m drink­ing. I’m puz­zled about why she acts this way. Please help!— Just a Drink in the East Dear Just a Drink: She acts this way be­cause she is the child of an ad­dict, and see­ing some­one im­bibe one— or three— drinks at one time makes her re­mem­ber how her par­ent be­haved while un­der the in­flu­ence, which makes her un­com­fort­able. And frankly, I can’t blame her. There are sup­port groups for adult chil­dren of ad­dicts that can be help­ful. I hope your wife looks into them.

Dear Abby: I’m on the verge of a di­vorce, about to start a trial sepa­ra­tion. There was no cheat­ing in­volved on my part or hers. There haven’t been any money is­sues, ei­ther.

My soon-to-be ex-wife de­cided, af­ter 11 years of mar­riage and no sex for the past two years, that she wants to be alone and has no feel­ings for me. I’m to­tally floored, and I’m not sure of what I’m ask­ing other than your opin­ion of this. She has agreed to go to mar­riage coun­sel­ing. Do you re­ally throw away a mar­riage over this, and should I move out and hope she misses me and wants me back?— Bro­ken­hearted Dude Dear Bro­ken­hearted: Do not move out and “hope” your wife wants you back. If you sep­a­rate, you may de­cide that you don’t want HER back. I’m pleased she’s will­ing to go to coun­sel­ing with you. It may cre­ate a path to­ward heal­ing your mar­riage, if it is sal­vage­able. It will also help you to un­der­stand what went wrong.

Dear Abby: I re­cently re­ceived a cash gift from my mother. We are not close and rarely com­mu­ni­cate. Being her daugh­ter, I as­sume she loves, and likes, me. I can­not claim to share those feel­ings.

I am­not in need of money. I have a de­cent in­come, but she doesn’t know how much I earn. She likely needs the cash more than I do. Is there a way I can give it back to her with­out hurt­ing her feel­ings? If not, how do I ac­cept this gift that I do not want? — Guilty New Yorker

Dear Guilty: Be­cause you are afraid you will make an al­ready frag­ile re­la­tion­ship even more del­i­cate if you re­turn the money, the pru­dent thing to do would be to gra­ciously thank her for it. Be­cause ac­cept­ing her gift makes you feel guilty, con­sider putting the money aside just in case she may need it.

JEANNEPHILLIPS

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.