DEAR ABBY Latest dis­agree­ment may end their rocky 5-year re­la­tion­ship

The Tribune (SLO) - - Fun & Games - JEANNEPHILLIPS Contact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

My boyfriend of nearly five years and I have been at odds dur­ing most of our re­la­tion­ship. We have had re­li­gious-based dis­agree­ments, ar­gu­ments over my not giv­ing him enough af­fec­tion, his not pro­vid­ing fi­nan­cially, pos­si­ble cheat­ing on his part, and his want­ing me to have a bet­ter re­la­tion­ship with his mother.

For about a year he has been pres­sur­ing me to stop tak­ing birth con­trol pills. I was al­ways adamant about tak­ing them be­cause I do not want to be preg­nant be­fore mar­riage. He claims I am“play­ing God,” and “I don’t know the po­ten­tial harm the pills cause.” I feel I can do with my body what I please.

When he told me to stop tak­ing birth con­trol, I asked, “When are you go­ing to pro­pose?” He says he’ll marry me once I trust him enough to stop tak­ing the pills.

I trust that he wants to be with me, but I can’t help but feel he wants me to go against my val­ues and get preg­nant be­fore mar­riage. I see a life for my­self, and he doesn’t seem to fit in my vi­sion. I know no one is per­fect, but I can’t help but feel we clash on too many is­sues. Should I be more pos­i­tive and look at the good things in our re­la­tion­ship?— Young Penn­syl­va­nia Woman

DearWo­man: If you see a life for your­self be­yond this re­la­tion­ship, make up your mind to start liv­ing it NOW. Your boyfriend wants you to stop tak­ing birth con­trol pills be­cause once you’re preg­nant (oops!) you will be tied to him for life, like it or not.

Step back. View this for a mo­ment from my perspective: Here is some­one with whom you have re­li­gious­based dis­agree­ments, who doesn’t pull his weight fi­nan­cially, whom you can’t trust not to cheat, and who will bring with him a guar­an­teed mother-in-law prob­lem. Rec­og­nize that you can do much bet­ter than this and GET OUT OF THERE.

Dear Abby: My hus­band and I live in Washington state. My son and his fam­ily live in South Carolina. I have de­cided I want to move close to my son and grand­chil­dren. My hus­band has never been to South Carolina, but he has pre­con­ceived no­tions about what the peo­ple are like and wants to stay on the West Coast.

I know what would make me hap­pier, but I’d feel guilty about leav­ing my hus­band. We have been married 27 years.

Am I be­ing self­ish? Is it wrong for me to want to move to be with my fam­ily? — Guilty on the West Coast

Dear Guilty: You ARE with your fam­ily— your hus­band. Have you ex­plored how your son and his wife would feel about you pulling up stakes and mov­ing there alone? If you haven’t, you should.

Since you asked, I think it would be fool­ish to sac­ri­fice a mar­riage that has lasted more than a quar­ter of a cen­tury. It’s pos­si­ble that you could visit your son and grand­chil­dren sev­eral times a year with­out jet­ti­son­ing your spouse.

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