DEAR ABBY Latest disagreement may end their rocky 5-year relationship
My boyfriend of nearly five years and I have been at odds during most of our relationship. We have had religious-based disagreements, arguments over my not giving him enough affection, his not providing financially, possible cheating on his part, and his wanting me to have a better relationship with his mother.
For about a year he has been pressuring me to stop taking birth control pills. I was always adamant about taking them because I do not want to be pregnant before marriage. He claims I am“playing God,” and “I don’t know the potential harm the pills cause.” I feel I can do with my body what I please.
When he told me to stop taking birth control, I asked, “When are you going to propose?” He says he’ll marry me once I trust him enough to stop taking the pills.
I trust that he wants to be with me, but I can’t help but feel he wants me to go against my values and get pregnant before marriage. I see a life for myself, and he doesn’t seem to fit in my vision. I know no one is perfect, but I can’t help but feel we clash on too many issues. Should I be more positive and look at the good things in our relationship?— Young Pennsylvania Woman
DearWoman: If you see a life for yourself beyond this relationship, make up your mind to start living it NOW. Your boyfriend wants you to stop taking birth control pills because once you’re pregnant (oops!) you will be tied to him for life, like it or not.
Step back. View this for a moment from my perspective: Here is someone with whom you have religiousbased disagreements, who doesn’t pull his weight financially, whom you can’t trust not to cheat, and who will bring with him a guaranteed mother-in-law problem. Recognize that you can do much better than this and GET OUT OF THERE.
Dear Abby: My husband and I live in Washington state. My son and his family live in South Carolina. I have decided I want to move close to my son and grandchildren. My husband has never been to South Carolina, but he has preconceived notions about what the people are like and wants to stay on the West Coast.
I know what would make me happier, but I’d feel guilty about leaving my husband. We have been married 27 years.
Am I being selfish? Is it wrong for me to want to move to be with my family? — Guilty on the West Coast
Dear Guilty: You ARE with your family— your husband. Have you explored how your son and his wife would feel about you pulling up stakes and moving there alone? If you haven’t, you should.
Since you asked, I think it would be foolish to sacrifice a marriage that has lasted more than a quarter of a century. It’s possible that you could visit your son and grandchildren several times a year without jettisoning your spouse.