Grandparents struggle with the COVID-19 restrictions

DEAR AMY » In February, my husband and I had COVID-19, and it was a tough struggle.

Our daughter lives two hours away with our only grandchildren, (elementary age), and her husband, “Eric.”

Eric is very “me” oriented; he’ll wear you down in a discussion so he can win. He yells and screams a lot, but he’s never been physically violent.

We’re in a state that has a mandatory shelterin-place. I’ve talked to my daughter about a possible visit since we’ve been sheltered for four weeks.

Two days ago, my SIL broke our state’s guidelines and went kayaking with two of his friends.

What happens now? Do we refuse all visits, even though we haven’t seen our daughter and grandkids for a month?

The very last thing we need is to get this monster virus again — we’re in our 70s.

Otherwise our health is good, but neither my husband nor I have fully recovered; we’re improving, but not 100%.

Our careful plans were to go TO a safe place FROM a safe place. Unfortunately, we no longer trust our SIL to help protect us, and he’s possibly exposed his wife and kids.

My daughter refuses to see his behavior as alarming. She feels sorry for him because he had a destitute childhood and he’s been cooped up for four weeks. (The rest of us have, too!)

What to do? What to say? Ghost them until there’s a vaccine?

— Recovering in

the Pacific NW DEAR RECOVERING » You should not have any in-person contact with these family members (or others) until you have fully recovered, and medical personnel have declared you free of (or definitively immune from) this virus. Yes, you could possibly become re-infected by outside contact — as of this writing, there are some reports of people possibly having the illness more than once.

You could also continue to expose others.

Your son-in-law should not have violated your state’s guidelines for sheltering and social distancing (hard to remain distant sharing a vehicle or a kayak), but the way I read this, you and your husband are both the source and the object of more acute concern because of your current health status.

Yes, you will all have to wait longer to see one another.

In terms of your son-in-law’s behavior toward his family, I hope you will stay in very close touch with your daughter. Don’t attack him, forcing her into a defensive crouch. Always convey that you are in her corner. If your sonin-law is as much of a hothead as it sounds, she will need your support.