Reader asks if it's time to leave lying husband

DEAR HARRIETTE >> I recently found out my husband was married when he married me. I never knew he was married to anyone before me; I even asked before, and he said no. He was married in another state, so I guess that's why it didn't show up when we got married, but legally, this makes our marriage null and void. He told me he got married for military benefits and never even lived with the woman. We've been married for seven years now, but it was all a lie. I want to leave him; am I overreacting?

— All a Lie

DEAR ALL A LIE >> Talk to an attorney and determine the status of your marriage. This is a practical and concrete step you need to take to protect yourself. Talk to your husband about the whole situation. Why did he think it was OK to withhold such important information? Ask him why you should trust him now, given this huge piece of information that he did not share.

Should you leave? That is a valid question. The two of you need to sort through your life and talk about the future. What do you want? What does he want? What does he have to say for himself regarding this huge lie that he has been living? How can he make up to you for this betrayal? Listen to him, and trust your gut. If you believe that he truly wants to be in a relationship with you and is willing to work to earn back your trust — and you want to be with him — give it a try. If you are done, have your lawyer begin the process to dissolve the marriage. Truth is, it may be simpler than that. If you aren't legally married, you may be able to walk away. It really depends on what assets you share and where you live. Some states honor domestic partnerships. Given the fact that your husband lied to you, no matter what, you should have a legal leg to stand on in separating shared assets.