The Ukiah Daily Journal

Millennial wonders what makes a `man'

- — Understand­ing Contact Amy Dickinson via email, askamy@ amydickins­

DEAR AMY >> I'm a millennial “man,” about to turn 40. I see so many friends my age struggle to pay for and take care of their domestic responsibi­lities.

I've known since I was 30 that I want as little responsibl­y as possible. My plan is to never get married, have children, purchase a home, or have pets.

I figure I have enough responsibi­lities: I have to work, pay rent, bills, etc. I do this well. My credit score is 800.

I'm often called a “man-child.” People call me selfish because of my choices.

I'm told to “settle down,” which to me feels like a prison cell of additional responsibi­lities. What do you think?

— Anonymous


When, at the age of 40, you employ scarequote­s to describe yourself as a “man,” I'd say that your primary problem is the way you see yourself.

You don't mention having parents, but if you do, at some point you may be forced to face the prospect of accepting or rejecting responsibi­lity for their care and welfare.

If you plan to continue to move through the world as if coated in Teflon, then it's best if you are completely honest with your folks, now. Perhaps you have already done so, and these are the people deriding you as a selfish “manchild.”

You seem to be seeking affirmatio­n, but here's a tip: You are free to live any way you want!

To me, living a life completely free of attachment, complicati­on or contributi­on would lack meaning — but you're built differentl­y.

Whether your attitude is fearbased or enlightene­d depends on whatever meaning you attach to your own existence and the choices you're making.

I do think it might be helpful for you to contemplat­e your own headstone. Yours might read: “Achievemen­t unlocked: Credit score of 800!”

DEAR AMY >> Your answer to “Grief and Joy” is right on the money. (Just hours after her engagement, she learned of her grandmothe­r's passing.)

My husband's mother passed after a long illness. Sadly, it was two weeks before our wedding. As we had already pre-paid for our small, private ceremony, we went ahead.

Everyone understood why we went ahead with the ceremony so soon after her funeral.

I hope Grief and Joy knows that it's OK to be happy even while mourning.

Funerals are a good time to connect with long-distance family, to share grief, and to ease hearts. A piece of good news is not amiss during this time.


She signed her question “Grief and Joy” for a reason.

 ?? ??

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