Reader wants to end friendship

DEAR HARRIETTE >> I have regarded an individual as a close friend since our elementary school days. However, it has come to my attention that her negative demeanor has led to others disliking her. Despite my unwavering defense of her in the past, I now find myself pondering the appropriateness of maintaining this friendship. After all these years, witnessing this unfavorable aspect of her character raises the question of whether it is acceptable to consider ending our friendship. Will I be a bad person if I cut her off?

— Bad Friends

DEAR BAD FRIEND >> How is this person treating you? Has she been mean or disrespectful to you directly? Have you witnessed what others have accused her of doing? Before you do anything, assess what you actually know has occurred with this person. Being sure of someone's behavior before taking the drastic step of cutting them off is the least you can do.

Beyond that, you owe it to her to have a conversation. Sit down with her and express your concerns. With as many facts as you can gather, explain that some troubling behaviors of hers have come to your attention, and you want to address them with her. Offer her clear examples of what you have witnessed or heard, and give her a chance to address each one. Find out what happened and why she behaved the way she did, if in fact it is true. You will have to decide who to believe if she denies everything. Let her know that it

is disturbing to you that a number of people you trust and admire have pointed her out as being extremely negative. Ask her what's going on in her life and if she needs help. Rather than walking away, at least right now, see what you can do to support her. Over time, you can decide if the friendship is over.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.