An `update' takes the advice to task

DEAR READERS >> Periodically, I publish “updates” to previous questions and answers published in this space.

UPDATE >> I wrote to you as “Ghosted Uncle,” regarding how my late brother's wife and children had cut off contact with my family.

Things are largely unchanged. After your advice basically chastising me, I did try for a time. My efforts were never reciprocated or apparently appreciated.

In the past year I have returned two wedding invitations and a graduation announcement, as I really don't want anything to do with them at this point.

At times I have been told by other family members that my former sister-in-law and her children have had a lot of personal issues; in recent years I have asked that they not share any of these statements with me.

So, not much is new. I will say that I would have appreciated you showing me a fraction of the empathy you extended to my former sister-in-law.

But as I said back then, I asked for your opinion, so I got it.

DEAR R >> Thank you for providing this update. Most of the updates I receive from readers suggest positive change, and while I am cheered by this, I suspect that most of the people who write to me have experiences closer to yours.

I also understand your criticism of my response, and appreciate your willingness to take me to task. My focus was on you trying to stay connected with the younger family members — not necessarily their mother.

However, I have to point out that even though you say your efforts have not been reciprocated or appreciated, these young family members have invited you to two weddings and a graduation. You have refused these invites.

These invitations are the essence of reciprocation. They are bids for connection, much like the ones you made. And now it is their turn to feel rejected.