New contest for Week 1304: All the muse that’s fit to print
What if we evolved from reptiles? We would go to l McDonald’s and order a Big Rat and an order of flies. (Jonathan Paul)
What if, instead of air bags, they put sharp metal l spikes on the steering column? Seat belt use would go way up. (Art Grinath)
What if men really did enjoy being “just held and l cuddled”? What would they carry in their wallets — tiny packets of Snuggle fabric softener? (Sue Lin Chong)
What if instead of an Easter Bunny, we had an l Easter Fish? It sure would be tricky, decorating caviar. (Jean Sorensen) Here’s a contest that’s as wide open as they come, and I think the only time the Invite ran it was all the way back in 1995, in the preEmpress days of the Czar. This week: Present a “what if” scenario and explain its effect, as in the examples above from Week 160. Submit entries at the website wapo.st/enter-invite-1304 (all lowercase). Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a Bovine Recycling Two
Pack consisting of a nice little blankpage journal of paper made from cattle dung (donated by Dave Prevar), plus a dainty, Chihuahuasize “candy cane” dog chew made from beef pizzle, which is the bull’s, you know, pizzle. Donated by Donna Peremes. Other runners-up win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship” (or perhaps a new design). Honorable mentions get one of our lustedafter Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” First Offenders receive only a smelly treeshaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is
Monday night, Nov. 12; results published Dec. 2 (online Thursday, Nov. 29). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The “Wryday the 13th” headline was submitted by both Mark Raffman and Beverley Sharp; Kevin Dopart and Jesse Frankovich each submitted this week’s honorablementions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/ invdev. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
THE STYLE CONVERSATIONAL The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.