New con­test for Week 1304: All the muse that’s fit to print

The Washington Post Sunday - - DIVERSIONS -

What if we evolved from rep­tiles? We would go to l McDon­ald’s and or­der a Big Rat and an or­der of flies. (Jonathan Paul)

What if, in­stead of air bags, they put sharp metal l spikes on the steer­ing col­umn? Seat belt use would go way up. (Art Gri­nath)

What if men re­ally did en­joy be­ing “just held and l cud­dled”? What would they carry in their wal­lets — tiny pack­ets of Snug­gle fab­ric soft­ener? (Sue Lin Chong)

What if in­stead of an Easter Bunny, we had an l Easter Fish? It sure would be tricky, dec­o­rat­ing caviar. (Jean Sorensen) Here’s a con­test that’s as wide open as they come, and I think the only time the In­vite ran it was all the way back in 1995, in the pre­Em­press days of the Czar. This week: Pre­sent a “what if” sce­nario and ex­plain its ef­fect, as in the ex­am­ples above from Week 160. Sub­mit en­tries at the web­site­ter-in­vite-1304 (all low­er­case). Win­ner gets the Lose Can­non, our Style In­vi­ta­tional tro­phy. Sec­ond place re­ceives a Bovine Re­cy­cling Two

Pack con­sist­ing of a nice lit­tle blank­page jour­nal of pa­per made from cat­tle dung (do­nated by Dave Pre­var), plus a dainty, Chi­huahua­size “candy cane” dog chew made from beef piz­zle, which is the bull’s, you know, piz­zle. Do­nated by Donna Peremes. Other run­ners-up win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Pun­man­ship” (or per­haps a new de­sign). Hon­or­able men­tions get one of our lusted­af­ter Loser mag­nets, “We’ve Seen Bet­ter” or “ID­iot Card.” First Of­fend­ers re­ceive only a smelly tree­shaped air “fresh­ener” (FirStink for their first ink). Dead­line is

Mon­day night, Nov. 12; re­sults pub­lished Dec. 2 (on­line Thursday, Nov. 29). See gen­eral con­test rules and guide­lines at­vRules. The “Wry­day the 13th” head­line was sub­mit­ted by both Mark Raffman and Bev­er­ley Sharp; Kevin Dopart and Jesse Frankovich each sub­mit­ted this week’s hon­or­able­men­tions sub­head. Join the Style In­vi­ta­tional Devo­tees on Face­book at in­vdev. “Like” Style In­vi­ta­tional Ink of the Day on Face­book at­day; fol­low @StyleIn­vite on Twit­ter.

 THE STYLE CON­VER­SA­TIONAL The Em­press’s weekly on­line col­umn dis­cusses each new con­test and set of re­sults. Es­pe­cially if you plan to en­ter, check it out at­conv.


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