The Washington Post Sunday
New contest for Week 1309: The Year in Redo, Part 1
Winner of Week 1268, bogus trivia about the media:
Jeff Bezos meant to buy only a single issue of The Washington Post, but he didn’t have any small bills on him at the time. (Robert Schechter) Winner of Week 1255, neologisms including the letter block SANT in any order: AmNasty International: The president’s new name for the State Department. (Ann Martin) Winner of Week 1279, “real” directions: How to meditate: 1. Close your eyes and relax. 2. You’re not doing it right. (Mark Raffman)
Did you ever read the results of a Style Invitational contest and go, “Ohhhh — now I see what they wanted”? (“They” being the one woman who’s ever going to see your entry unless it gets ink.) This week and next, the Empress gives you another shot with our annual retrospective contest. This week we’ll cover 25 Invite contests from last November through May, encompassing such perennials as obit poems, foal “breeding” and various neologism contests, plus some oneoffs like Yelp reviews for odd places, or goodnatured modern curses. Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest
from Week 1255 through Week 1281, except for Weeks 1257 and 1258, last year’s doovers, and Week 1260, the 2018 “Year in Preview” (we’ll preview 2019 later). You may enter multiple contests as long as you don’t submit more than 25 entries in all. For contests asking you to use that week’s paper, use papers and online articles dated Dec. 617. For the obit poems, Week 1261, continue to write about people who died in 2017. You may resubmit noninking entries from earlier contests.
How on earth are you going to find these old contests? Piece of cake, even if you don’t subscribe to this paper (though you should, you know). Go to the Loser Community’s own website, nrars.org, click on “Master
Contest List,” and scroll way down to Week 1255 and below. Read the thumbnail contest descriptions, then click on the “E” icon for the online version of the week’s contest, or the “WP” for the print version. And check the results of that week’s contest (usually four weeks down the chart) to make sure your idea didn’t already get ink. Please give the week number plus a brief ID of the contest your entry is for (e.g., “Week 1291, bad product spokespeople”). See this week’s Style Conversational column at wapo.st/conv1309 for other ways (maybe better ones for you) to see all the contests.
Submit entries at wapo.st/enterinvite1309 (all lowercase) — NOT the entry forms for those old contests. Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives one of our favorite prizes ever: It was picked up in Ukraine, from a Kiev street vendor, by Invite Fan but Not a Loser Rex Moser. Though Rex can’t read Russian or Ukrainian, he didn’t have any trouble recognizing the face of Vladimir Putin in full color on a roll of toilet
paper. The accompanying wording turns out to translate to “Putin is a [ahem]head” — a catcall that became popular among soccer fans during the annexation of 2014, and is also widespread (presumably more discreetly) in Russia. Other runners-up win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lustedafter Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” First Offenders receive only a smelly treeshaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Dec. 17; results published Jan. 6 (online Thursday, Jan. 3). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “NoHit Wonders” was suggested by both Jeff Contompasis and Jesse Frankovich; Chris Doyle and Jesse both suggested this week’s honorablementions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.