Re­jected trades for Pel­i­cans’ Davis: A kitchen sink or time­shares near Phoenix

The Washington Post - - SPORTS - NOR­MAN CHAD You, too, can en­ter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Give­away. Just email ask­thes­[email protected], and if your ques­tion is used, you win $1.25 in cash!

At last count, nearly 2,000 NBA play­ers changed teams be­fore the trade dead­line last week. Re­mark­ably, An­thony Davis was not among them.

Some of you — for in­stance, those ob­sess­ing over Prince Philip giv­ing up his driver’s li­cense at age 97 af­ter his re­cent car crash — might not be up to speed on the Davis sit­u­a­tion.

Couch Slouch is here to fill in the de­tails for you.

Davis re­cently in­di­cated he wanted to move on from the New Or­leans Pel­i­cans. The sports me­dia — and, frankly, the entirety of the NBA — treated this as if War­ren Buf­fett had in­di­cated he was leav­ing Berk­shire Hath­away.

The only thing that could have eclipsed the Davis news in NBA cir­cles is if LeBron James had an­nounced he was sign­ing on to Elon Musk’s SpaceX mis­sion to Mars in 2024 or if Michael Jor­dan had in­tro­duced a line of Nike loafers.

Davis, 25, im­me­di­ately was sought af­ter by vir­tu­ally every gen­eral man­ager in the league; 28 of the other 29 teams made trade of­fers for him.* In ad­di­tion, all 37 Demo­cratic pres­i­den­tial hope­fuls of­fered him the vice-pres­i­den­tial slot on their tick­ets.

Mean­while, Davis let it be known that he pre­ferred to go to the Los An­ge­les Lak­ers.

The Lak­ers — des­per­ate not to lose Dyan Can­non as a sea­son ticket holder — kept sweet­en­ing their of­fer to the Pel­i­cans. Their fi­nal pro­posal would have sent nearly half their ros­ter plus draft picks to New Or­leans. I kid you not. The Lak­ers were re­port­edly will­ing to trade Lonzo Ball, Josh Hart, Bran­don In­gram, Kyle Kuzma, Ivica Zubac and Ken­tavi­ous Cald­well-Pope plus two first-round picks to ob­tain Davis.

Granted, if this deal went through, the Lak­ers would have been short of able bodies. But Sta­ples Cen­ter sources — yeah, I’ve got sources, though most of them work out­side of the arena — told me that the Lak­ers were plan­ning to start Davis, LeBron, Magic John­son, Kobe Bryant and Ka­reem Ab­dul-Jab­bar or Shaquille O’Neal, with Luke Wal­ton com­ing off the bench, un­til the 2019-20 sea­son be­gan. Okay, I’m kid­ding on this one. (The Pel­i­cans now will wait un­til sum­mer to try to deal Davis. To re­duce his chance of in­jury the rest of the sea­son, he will be lim­ited to the open­ing tip of each game and shoot­ing tech­ni­cal fouls, plus the Pel­i­cans will al­low Davis to cover Carmelo An­thony for one quar­ter if he is signed by an NBA team.)

To smooth over ruf­fled feath­ers with all the Lak­ers ru­mored to be traded for Davis, John­son, the team pres­i­dent of basketball op­er­a­tions, handed out $50 gift cards to Star­bucks and Burger King.

The Lak­ers’ last pro­posal to the Pel­i­cans re­called the block­buster NFL deal in 1989 when the Dal­las Cow­boys traded Her­schel Walker to the Min­nesota Vik­ings for five play­ers and sev­eral draft picks. Or the block­buster ex­pe­di­tion deal in 1507 when Vasco da Gama traded 202 crew mem­bers to Fer­di­nand Mag­el­lan for three square-rigged masts and his GPS.

Many NBA teams got cre­ative in their at­tempts to ac­quire Davis. Among the more in­ter­est­ing terms the Pel­i­cans re­jected were the fol­low­ing:

The Los An­ge­les Clip­pers of­fered To­bias Harris, Danilo Gal­li­nari, Shai Gil­geous-Alexan­der, Mon­trezl Har­rell and owner Steve Ballmer’s kitchen sink.

The Phoenix Suns of­fered De­an­dre Ay­ton, Josh Jack­son, Mikal Bridges, Zion Wil­liamson (if they drafted him) and two time­shares in Se­dona.

The Philadel­phia 76ers of­fered Ben Sim­mons and the Lib­erty Bell.

Even the NFL’s Oak­land/Los An­ge­les/Oak­land/Las Ve­gas Raiders made a bid, which in­cluded a prom­ise to re­lo­cate the fran­chise wher­ever Davis wanted.

(* The Cleve­land Cava­liers were the only team that didn’t pur­sue Davis; owner Dan Gil­bert said he would just rather wait for LeBron to re­turn.)

Ask The Slouch

Q: Any chance Step­son of Destiny Isa­iah Eisendorf will don a jer­sey with “Slouch II” stitched on the back at some point in his hoops ca­reer? (E. Shep­ard; Florence, Mont.)

A: In­deed, this is a goal of mine, but he is play­ing pro basketball in Is­rael, and “Slouch II” does not trans­late eas­ily into He­brew. By the way, Isa­iah is av­er­ag­ing 10.9 points and 6.6 re­bounds for Hapoel Haifa.

Q: At the end of basketball games, how do the only three peo­ple on the planet who don’t know that the team that’s los­ing is foul­ing on pur­pose end up of­fi­ci­at­ing the game that I’m watch­ing? (Mike Okubo; Chicago)

A: I think you need to curb your bet­ting ac­tiv­ity.

Q: Is it true Tony Romo pre­dicted the out­comes of your first two mar­riages? (Barry Goodrich; Novelty, Ohio)

A: Not to dis­par­age Romo, but there was a long line of peo­ple around the block cor­rectly pre­dict­ing the out­comes of my first two mar­riages.

Q: Af­ter watch­ing the Jay Bi­las “94 feet” fea­tures on ESPN, should we just be thank­ful that he doesn’t an­nounce col­lege foot­ball? (Dan Cantwell; Al­bany, N.Y.)

A: Pay the man, Shirley.

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