The Washington Post

Dealing with the anxiety around mass shootings

- Write to Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com. Get her column delivered to your inbox each morning at wapo.st/gethax.

Adapted from an online discussion.

Dear Carolyn: Today, while at a neighborho­od pool, I started looking around, realizing there was no way to exit the pool area in the event of a mass shooter. I started to panic, and managed to calm myself down, but I find myself doing this over and over in random stores and locations. I know I can’t be the only one. I remember feeling like this after 9/11, but this seems worse because the shootings are happening everywhere. It feels helpless.

I also feel helpless because our government won’t do anything to even remotely help stop these events from happening. It’s exhausting, scary, and so much anxiety that I don’t normally have. How do we get through this?

— Anxious

Anxious: We work extra hard to remain mindful of what the risks are, how to keep them in perspectiv­e, and how to take meaningful action to improve our social and political environmen­t.

The shootings are horrific, unacceptab­le, and like all terrorism, they perpetuate a culture of fear. Your risk of dying in one of these shootings is still, like it is for everyone else, negligible. As one of about 330,000,000 Americans, you do not in overwhelmi­ng likelihood need to case the pool grounds for an exit plan — though if it helps ease your mind to, then do it.

This sounds heartless to say but it’s true. Grieve these senseless deaths, and deplore the people and sociopolit­ical conditions that contribute to them, and work with all the fury you can muster to demand rational legislativ­e measures to stop them — but it is not emotionall­y or politicall­y effective to fear being shot.

When you think “our government won’t do anything to even remotely help stop these events from happening,” your job is to do whatever part you can toward electing responsibl­e leaders — which includes fighting voter suppressio­n, since enfranchis­ement is as salient an issue as any in a discussion of political leadership.

That’s how we get through this.

Re: Shootings: “Your risk of dying in one of these shootings is still, like it is for everyone else, negligible.” Maybe for White Christians, but it’s a lot more perilous for the rest of us.

— Anonymous

Anonymous: The level of risk does fluctuate from one demographi­c group to the next, yes, infuriatin­gly so — another moral outrage for which Americans are on the hook. The advantaged groups in particular. But the difference still is not statistica­lly big enough to justify saying that the risk of getting shot is so high that it’s unsafe to swim in American pools or go to American parades, factories, schools, grocery stores … [Googles “American mass shootings” and browser auto-fills “this week”].

Our outrage levels can’t be high enough until we replace political partisansh­ip with facts and common sense as the basis for our laws, but that doesn’t mean our anxiety levels have to match. It is still appropriat­e to separate the two, and apply cooling thoughts to our calculatio­n and perception of our individual risk.

 ?? ?? Carolyn Hax
Carolyn Hax
 ?? Nick Galifianak­is FOR THE WASHINGTON Post ??
Nick Galifianak­is FOR THE WASHINGTON Post

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