Why Un­cle Joe Bi­den will be Amer­ica’s next pres­i­dent

The Washington Times Weekly - - Back To The ’60s - BY JOSEPH CURL

That’s right, you heard it here first, folks: Joe Bi­den will be the 46th pres­i­dent of the United States. The avun­cu­lar 76-yearold from hard­scrab­ble Scran­ton, Penn­syl­va­nia, will waltz into of­fice in No­vem­ber 2020. The only ques­tion is whether Barack Obama will come out of re­tire­ment to join Un­cle Joe on the ticket.

He’s gonna go — you know he’s go­ing to go. He’s not even re­ally play­ing coy now, he’s just let­ting the other wannabes shoot them­selves re­peat­edly in both feet be­fore he jumps into the race.

And boy are they. The Democrats al­ready in the field are promis­ing free health­care, free col­lege tu­ition, free cash for ev­ery­one (even if they “choose” not to work). They’re promis­ing slav­ery repa­ra­tions, a top tax rate of 70 per­cent or higher, and one new mem­ber of Congress — whom the Demo­cratic Na­tional Com­mit­tee chair­man has called “the fu­ture of the party” — is call­ing for the end of planes and cars, as well as fart­ing cows.

Un­cle Joe’s not go­ing to play that game. He’s a ca­reer politi­cian (he only held a “real” job for a few years in his 20s, and he’s been liv­ing off the pub­lic dole for nearly half a cen­tury). He’s run for pres­i­dent twice, in 1988 and again 20 years later, so he knows the game in­side and out. And after a decade of po­lit­i­cal snip­ing, 2020 is tai­lor-made for a mid­dle-of-the-road can­di­date, which fits Mr. Bi­den to a T.

Here’s the sim­ple sce­nario: The en­tire Demo­cratic field runs hard left, as they are now, em­brac­ing full-blown so­cial­ism. Mr. Bi­den will then roll up in a yel­low Corvette — maybe wear­ing avi­a­tor sun­glasses — and say “whoa, whoa, whoa, peo­ple, let’s not get crazy here.” The main­stream me­dia will em­brace him, vot­ers is the mid­dle will go, “yeah, I can see him as pres­i­dent,” and that’s all she wrote.

Sure, we’ll hear about all the things we heard the last two times Mr. Bi­den ran: the charges of pla­gia­rism (which were ac­cu­rate, both as a politi­cian and a col­lege stu­dent); the hair plugs that took for­ever to grow in; even his creepi­ness with women and young girls. We’ll hear how he once called Obama “the first main­stream African-Amer­i­can who is ar­tic­u­late and bright and clean.” We’ll hear about the time he said, “You can­not go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts un­less you have a slight In­dian ac­cent. ... I’m not jok­ing.” And who knows, maybe he’ll reprise the charge he made against GOP nom­i­nee Mitt Rom­ney, who he said wanted to put black peo­ple “back in chains.” None of that will mat­ter. But here’s the real rea­son Mr. Bi­den will win: He’s a rel­a­tively nor­mal per­son. He’s calm, thought­ful, even tem­pered, rea­son­able — heck, he’s down­right folksy. “You know, my Grand­pop Fin­negan used to have an ex­pres­sion: he used to say, ‘Joey, the guy in Olyphant’s out of work, it’s an eco­nomic slow­down. When your brother-in-law’s out of work, it’s a re­ces­sion. When you’re out of work, it’s a de­pres­sion,’” Un­cle Joe once said.

After four years of Pres­i­dent Trump’s vitri­olic rhetoric — ev­ery­where, from the cam­paign trail to the Oval Of­fice to Twit­ter — Amer­i­cans are go­ing to put an end to all that. With Mr. Bi­den, they’ll get a pro­fes­sional politi­cian who has about as deep a for­eign pol­icy re­sume as you’ll find — and he won’t be writ­ing snotty tweets, ei­ther.

Wait, there’s more. Mr. Trump flipped Wis­con­sin and Michi­gan and Penn­syl­va­nia in the 2016 elec­tion. But Scran­ton Joe’s ap­peal to blue-col­lar work­ers will likely flip them right back. He’s from Penn­syl­va­nia: He wins that in a walk. The DNC is hold­ing its con­ven­tion in Mil­wau­kee: Mr. Bi­den will win that, too. And the blue-col­lar vote in Michi­gan will put him over the top there as well.

Mr. Trump, mean­while, has ma­jor prob­lems. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, a for­mer top strate­gist for Bill Clin­ton and Obama’s White House chief of staff, laid them out in a re­cent At­lantic mag­a­zine piece. “Not only is he now un­der­wa­ter in the three states that pushed him to vic­tory in 2016 — he’s now un­ex­pect­edly vul­ner­a­ble in places such as Texas, Florida, and Ohio as well. His pop­u­lar­ity rises to 50 per­cent or higher in states that to­tal a mere 102 elec­toral votes. Prob­a­bly of more con­cern to his cam­paign: He’s fallen be­low 40 per­cent ap­proval in states en­com­pass­ing a 201-elec­toral-vote bloc.”

The 2020 elec­tion will be a blood­bath for Repub­li­cans and Mr. Trump will lose just as big as he won in 2016.

But one last note to Democrats: Un­cle Joe is the only win­ner you’ve got. Bernie can’t do it. Nei­ther can Ka­mala or Cory or Poc­a­hon­tas or Tulsi or Ju­lian or Beto (but look for Mr. Bi­den to pick Ju­lian Castro or Beto O’Rourke, both from Texas, as his run­ning mate). And if you go with Hil­lary, you will lose worse than last time.

Of course, I could be to­tally wrong. I was once in 1983, my wife loves to re­mind me. But this race is Mr. Bi­den’s to lose — and let’s make some­thing per­fectly clear: He’s a two-time loser, so he knows los­ing. He might just snatch de­feat out of the jaws of vic­tory. Joseph Curl cov­ered the White House and pol­i­tics for a decade for The Wash­ing­ton Times. He can be reached at [email protected] gmail.com and on Twit­ter @josephcurl.

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