It must be true...

I read it in the tabloids

■■ A New Mexico woman’s feud with her neighbor escalated into the alleged theft of her antagonist’s laboratory skeleton. Police say Dina Hogrebe readily confessed to swiping the replica bones from her neighbor’s home, saying she could not abide how neighbor Joseph Downs had posed the skeleton’s hand to look as if it were flipping her the bird. She charges that Downs drove her mad with a campaign of harassment that included shooting off a propane cannon and playing music loudly at all hours. “I just, you know, had it,” said Hogrebe. “It was like the last straw that broke the camel’s back.”

■■ A French chocolatier has created a confectionery replica of the new coronavirus using a milk chocolate sphere and red-colored almonds. Jean-François Pré said he designed the tongue-incheek Easter egg after seeing a 3D representation of the virus. He works out of a pastry shop in western France located on a street that is ironically named after Louis Pasteur, whose work proved that germs cause disease. “In these times of worry,” Pré said, “a smile is often a way to overcome our fears.”

■■ A British motorist named Astin Martin has been banned from driving after being caught doing 93 mph in a 30 mph zone while leading police on a dramatic chase. Martin, 30, whose full name is Astin Martin O’Brien, pleaded guilty to dangerous driving for his escapade, which ended when he crashed his Ford Fiesta into a wall. “He might be called Astin Martin, but he’s no James Bond,” said Northumbria Police Superintendent Helena Barron, “and he’ll need to get used to public transport for the time being.”