It must be true...

I read it in the tabloids

■■ A Mexican man practicing social isolation enlisted his dog as a deliveryman to fetch snacks. Antonio Muñoz tucked $20 into his chihuahua’s collar with a note reading “Hello Mr. Shopkeeper. Please sell my dog some Cheetos, the orange kind, not the red ones, they’re too hot.” He signed the note, “Your front neighbor,” and dispatched the dog to a nearby store. Amazingly, the dog returned with a bag almost its own size locked between its teeth. “Day three of quarantine,” noted Muñoz. “I wanted my Cheetos.”

■■ A resourceful Dutch hairdresser has doggedly continued plying her trade despite the pandemic by employing an improvised umbrella as a makeshift protective device. The crafty stylist cut two holes in the umbrella for her arms and another two to allow her to see. But while it appears that the contraption may have afforded the stylist a level of protection, it has also made cutting clients’ hair far more challenging. “This is not going well,” she can be heard saying in a now viral video of her labors posted to Facebook.

■■ A New York City photographer practicing social distancing has initiated an unlikely romance with the assistance of a drone. Jeremy Cohen said he saw a “cute” brunette dancing on the rooftop of a nearby building. He waved, and when she waved back he taped his phone number to the aerial device and flew it to her. Since then, he and Tori Cignarella have been texting quite often and are making plans to go out on a date when it’s safe to do so. “I think everyone is fiending for social interaction,” said Cohen. “I was like, ‘Oh, my god, a girl. I haven’t seen one for so long.’”