It must be true...

I read it in the tabloids

■A wannabe air traffic controller in Berlin has been giving fake instructions to commercial airliners for the past six months. The unidentified man is said to have become “increasingly professional with his communications” to passenger and transport aircraft and even police and federal helicopters. He was arrested after he sent instructions to a helicopter police had sent to hover over his neighborhood. Police discovered two sophisticated radios in his home capable of transmitting to aircraft.They called it “an unusual arrest.”

■A Canadian daredevil felt both joy and misery after he scarfed three Carolina Reapers— the world’s hottest chile peppers—in under 10 seconds. Mike Jack broke a world record by swallowing the incendiary peppers so quickly, and then immediately burst into a fit of coughing, gagging, and retching. The peppers pack an average of up to 1.6 million Scoville Heat Units, or roughly 200 times as much as an average jalapeño pepper. Jack said it felt like “somebody grabbed onto (my) intestines, squeezed them, and gave them a little twist.” He added, “My eyes are crying, but I’m happy on the inside.”

■The ultimate “Florida man” twice phoned 911 to ask police for a late-night ride home. Matthew Leatham, 22, who has a tattoo of the state on his forehead, phoned the cops at 4 a.m. in New Port Richey saying that he had no other way to get home. An officer offered to call him a cab, but Leatham told him that he didn’t have enough money. He began walking but called back a little while later to ask again. This time police tracked the call and arrested Leatham on the side of the road. He was charged with abusing the 911 system and possession of marijuana.