Good week for:

Sharks, after Australia’s conservationists and marine biologists called for renaming “shark attacks” on humans “negative encounters” to help “dispel inherent assumptions that sharks are ravenous, mindless man-eating monsters.”

Olympians, who will indeed be able to have sex with one another on the flimsy cardboard beds of Tokyo’s Olympic Village. There had been rumors that the beds were designed to prevent intimacy, but the Olympic committee said the beds can support 441 pounds. Switching teams, after Donald Trump’s former golfing buddy Tom Brady presented President Biden with a number 46 Tampa Bay Buccaneers jersey at a White House ceremony and joked that though he led the team to a Super Bowl victory, “I think about 40 percent of the people still don’t think I won.”