Relabeling the good stuff as Russian

Andrei Kolesnikov

Take that, France, said Andrei Kolesnikov. The French have always held that only bubbly from their Champagne region can properly be called Champagne, and other countries have meekly complied. Some make up a new word—the Italians sip prosecco, for example, while the Czechs guzzle sekt—and others just call their local stuff sparkling wine. But not Russians! Our government decreed last week that Russians invented Champagne and so we alone deserve to use the word. From now on, the State Duma says, French Champagne sold here must be labeled sparkling wine, while the Russian word champanskoyé will be slapped on the stuff

produced on Russian soil. Moët Hennessy was initially miffed, but it has decided to comply, recognizing the huge market it would otherwise lose. That’s wise: Russians may believe Russia is the “birthplace of everything,” but we also manage to be prolific “consumers of everything that we don’t actually have”—such as Champagne. This insistence on Russia as the first and the best is a national obsession. We don’t accept international rankings; we always make our own and put ourselves on top.

It’s a “mixture of inferiority complex and superiority syndrome”—a mental illness that can only be treated with copious amounts of fizzy booze.