It must be true... I read it in the tabloids

■ A woman was rescued from an outhouse toilet in northern Michigan after she dropped her Apple Watch into the pit, climbed down to retrieve it, and became trapped. Rescuers, called by bystanders who heard the woman’s cries for help, used a strap to haul her out. State police warned people who lose items in outhouse toilets to “not attempt to venture inside the containment area,” because “serious injury may occur.” They didn’t say whether the woman got her watch back.

■ A Mexican UFO researcher who recently presented two small mummified “alien corpses” to Mexico’s congress now claims that an unnamed NASA contractor will conduct DNA tests on the remains. The bodies, with wide eyes and three-fingered hands, were found in Peru in 2017, and have been dated at around 1,000 years old, Jaime Maussan told lawmakers at a hearing on extraterrestrial life. José de Jesús Zalce Benítez, a military doctor who studied the bodies, said they “have no relation to human beings.” Other scientists dismissed the supposed alien corpses as ancient mummies or manipulated mummies, but Maussan is adamant, saying, “We are not alone.”

■ A driver in Green Bay, Wis., looked under the hood of their car and found an unlikely squatter: a 7-foot Australian jungle carpet python. Police tried and failed to extract the snake, presumed to be an escaped pet that was trying to keep warm, so the car owner had to drive to a nearby animal sanctuary with the reptile coiled on top of the engine. “It’s not a common thing that we see,” said sanctuary worker Lori Bankson, who helped remove the snake. She said the python will be found “a good home.”