Rest easy, Bella Vistans, your problems are solved

Fear not, my dear Bella Vistans, for tonight when you lay your heads down on your pillows in anticipation of what will hopefully be a good night’s sleep you can do so with all the ease and gracefulness of one of those Bella Vista Way buzzards as it glides to the pavement to take care of what’s left of that squirrel that — bypass or no bypass — wasn’t fleet enough to make it across the highway.

Why the newfound sense of calm and peacefulness?

Simple. It’s because all of the city’s problems have been solved.

In the five months I’ve been here, I’ve only made it out a time or two at night to see what the city is like after sundown. No, it’s not because I’m an anti-social recluse. A lot of my work is done at night staring at a computer monitor.

Saturday night, though, I’d had enough. I had read about a meal of maple glazed braised pork shoulder with brussels sprouts being offered that night at Highlands Pub and Patio for only $10 and had to discover what that was all about.

So into the night I went, mouth watering while imploring Siri to get me directions to the final destination.

“No, Siri, not the Highlands Dog Park, the Highlands Pub and Patio.”

Sometimes Siri acts like she’s only been in Bella Vista for five months.

As luck would have it, I found Highlands Pub and Patio in the nick of time, just before my stomach began to think my throat had been cut.

Soon I was enjoying the best brussels sprouts I’d ever eaten in the my life, not to mention a maple glazed braised pork shoulder that was melting in my mouth. And thanks to the bartender’s expertise there was always plenty of Dr. Pepper in my cup.

Yes, I usually drink Diet Dr. Pepper, and should choose it over the leaded version, but it was a Saturday night. And anyway they were out of Diet Dr. Pepper.

Still, the night was trying to set the bar at an unmatchable height. Nights to follow in 2022 were certainly going to have their work cut out for them if they were to match this one.

And then I heard the meeting taking place at a nearby table.

Now before this night the only meetings I’d attended were put on by the Bella Vista City Council and Bella Vista Planning Commission. They were all business, nothing but business.

There was also one occasion where I attended a gathering of the Bella Vista Civil War Round Table, a very enjoyable session that wasn’t so serious. Very interesting, but without ordinances and resolutions and such.

And then there’s this meeting consisting of three gentlemen — one my age, one a bit younger and one a bit older — and it wasn’t hard to hear what they were saying.

I think I caught their attention when, after hearing one of their comments, they noticed me laughing into my pork shoulder.

After a couple of pleasantries one of the men asked me what I did for a living and with that the Saturday night meeting of the Highlands Pub and Patio Solve the City’s Problems Club suddenly had a new member.

I didn’t get names. They didn’t offer. I think it may have been that they were cautious, fearful that anything they said might be attributed to them in the pages of the city’s only newspaper.

That would never happen though, right? I mean who would write anything about something that happened or was said on a Saturday night in a pub up in the hills?

But soon the conversation got legs. Problems began to be discussed and solved, with interruptions only for another round of hot dogs, more Dr. Pepper and the imagined discovery by one of the men that the bartender may have given him a gold doubloon amongst the pennies and nickles that made up the change from the previous round of hot dogs.

Issues were presented, bandied about and wrestled to the meeting floor:

Sewer lines vs. septic tanks? Sewer lines for everybody!

Hot dogs? Yes please, but only if the buns are toasted and the dogs a little charred.

More bicycle and hiking trails? Maybe, but not through my yard.

Best movie ever made? Greater, the story of the life of Razorback football walkon Brandon Burlsworth, who died after being drafted by the Indianapolis Colts.

White picket fences? C’mon, just let the residents put up whatever kind of fence they want. (Actually one member was unaware of this issue, but instead of abstaining said he was fine with white fences and went along with the group.)

French explorer Jacques Cousteau? Probably a great guy.

Dr. Pepper or Diet Dr. Pepper? This one got thrown out since I was the only one with an opinion. And obviously I could go either way.

The recently demolished movie theater? Eh, nobody was going to movies anyway.

Bella Vista Lake — to dam or not to dam? Interest waned on this one. I think it was tabled for future discussion.

All in all it was a very productive night. New friends were made (I think), the best brussels sprouts ever cooked were consumed and problems — many very important problems — were solved.

And that should make any Bella Vistan enjoy a more peaceful sleep.