Elder exes want to reignite their flame
DEAR AMY >> I’m a 71-year-old man. Twenty years ago I was married, had an affair, and left my marriage.
I am still with “the other woman,” but not married.
My relationship with my ex is very good and we speak often.
At the time of this affair, we had four children, ranging in age from 13 to 20.
They are all grown now with families of their own, and after several tough years, they all understand and are good with everything.
My ex hooked up with a guy she went to junior high school with before I even moved out of the house — she eventually married him.
I understood why she did all that.
The thing is, it’s like that Barry Manilow song, “Escape” (the Pina Colada Song).
My ex and I realize that we had the best times together.
The people we are with now have been good for us.
We’re both more stable and financially secure than we would be if we’d stayed together.
But it’s no fun. We obviously can’t get a do-over, but it’s also no fun this way.
Neither of our mates would appreciate our getting together for some fun times.
Have you ever heard of such a thing — and what advice, if any, can you give?
— Want to Escape
DEAR ESCAPE >>
To recap the plot of this wonderful ear-worm, two former lovers who have moved on to other relationships realize afterward that they both love pina coladas and walking in the rain.
In short, this song is about reconnecting with a previous love.
The cynic in me says that this is something you should have realized before you had an affair and blew up your marriage. I also believe that fun and joy are qualities you can try to bring to your current longterm relationships.
The romantic in me says that you and your ex obviously believe that you are on a path leading to fun and passion. Given that you are both entering your elder years, you might see this as a last chance at revisiting your youth and repairing some of the mistakes you made.
Yes, divorced couples do sometimes reconcile after many years apart. And a percentage of those couples (an estimated 30 percent) break up again.
If you choose this particular “walk in the rain,” I suggest you make this choice with more care and compassion toward your current partner than you showed the last time.