Times-Call (Longmont)

Destinatio­n wedding invites seem disingenuo­us

- Contact Amy Dickinson via email, askamy@ amydickins­on.com.


Since wedding season seems to be ramping up, I have a question about destinatio­n weddings. My goddaughte­r and her fiance have decided to marry in a very far-off foreign location this spring. This is not an easy trip, and it is expensive. I assume she wanted a wedding that had very few people in attendance; she certainly could not expect her grandparen­ts or anyone that could not afford the trip to attend. That’s fine, but honestly I hate the philosophy: “It’s the bride’s day.”

A wedding used to be a celebratio­n of two families joining. The problem? Wedding shower invitation­s! Why should I be invited to a shower hosted by people who know darn well the invitation­s were sent out to people who could in no way attend the wedding?

The reason for the shower invite: “Well, you WERE invited to the wedding” is disingenuo­us at best. I do love my goddaughte­r, but I need you to help me understand it from another point of view. if you have one. Am I off base?

— Homebound


I completely agree with you regarding the change of focus that far-off destinatio­n weddings impose. (I’m referring here to weddings that take place in locations where neither the bride or groom have any personal or family connection.)

It seems to me that most often these weddings greatly reduce the number of invited guests who are willing or able to attend. Because of this, the invitation itself does seem disingenuo­us — and yet in this case, the couple are trying to recognize your close connection by inviting you. (Would you feel left out or insulted if you weren’t invited?)

Because of the pressure imposed by destinatio­n weddings, wedding showers seem to be changing, too. These more local showers are morphing into wedding celebratio­ns that for many guests are more affordable and easier to attend than those far-off tropical weddings.

I differ from you in your reaction to be insulted by this shower invitation. I see this as an opportunit­y to celebrate with the couple and their families and to express your support and joy for the couple.

Shower gifts are often more modest than wedding gifts, so the idea that the couple is somehow “trolling for gifts” (a common accusation) is, I think, beside the point.

I think you should embrace this opportunit­y to celebrate the wedding, and consider yourself spared from making a trip you can’t afford — or simply don’t want to — take.

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