Brother hopes to hear from older brother

DEAR AMY >> My older brother and

I have always had a difficult relationship. One day before our 52nd wedding anniversary, my wife died.

I called my sister, and asked if she could inform our older brother of my wife’s death.

He has had nothing to do with me for over 15 years. I do not have his address or phone number, or even know what state he is living in.

My sister did relay the news to him.

Over the two months since my wife’s death, I have received letters and cards from friends all over the world.

There has been nothing from my brother or his family.

Was I asking too much of him to at least acknowledge my wife’s death?

— Devastated Brother

DEAR DEVASTATED >> I’m so sorry you have experienced this very tough loss.

Your brother’s choice not to express his condolences seems to be taking up more space than the many expressions of sympathy you’ve received from so many others.

You are not required to do anything right now, except to feel your feelings and try your hardest to keep your heart open to those who you know love and care about you.

If this continues to eat away at you, you could get your brother’s contact information from your sister and reach out to him.

You are disappointed that he has kept his silence of so many years, especially through this tough period. Do you want to try to forge a path toward communication now? If so, then you should say so, plainly — expressing your thoughts and feelings in writing.

I want to add a strong caution: You cannot pull someone to the table if they don’t want to come. Your brother may not have the emotional tools to accept any bid you extend. This is another loss you may have to accept.