Older couple adopts baby

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I recently adopted a sweet baby boy.

We started out as foster parents with parental reunification as the goal. Unfortunately, the parents were not able to satisfy the requirements of the social agencies involved, and none of his other relatives were able to adopt him.

Due to our age (in our 60’s), we were doubtful the judge would grant our request to adopt our son, but we have since learned that there are grandparents and even greatgrandparents adopting children.

Fortunately, the judge recognized the bond we all had and allowed us to adopt this dear baby.

This was a long and very stressful process, but for the love and safety of this child we would do it all over again.

My question is this: When we are out in public, people will inevitably ask, “grandson?”

When we say, “parents” people are understandably shocked.

Should we just ignore the incredulous looks or say, “adoptive parents?”

It is very important to us that this baby boy does not feel any less than our own biological child.

How should we respond? — Older, Wiser,

Happier

DEAR HAPPIER >> In adopting your son, you’ve joined the growing demographic of elders raising children. Almost 3 million American grandparents have full responsibility for raising grandchildren; countless other grandparents, greatgrandparents, and other elders provide part-time childcare.

In terms of responding to people who assume you are grandparents, while your son is young you might say, “We’re parents! The adoption came through last year.” When your son is older and aware of the question, you can simply respond brightly, “We’re not grandparents — we’re his proud parents!”

Make sure to include your son in his adoption story starting now. He’s likely to encounter this question many times, from a different angle.

Even when this query is annoying, I hope you will always lead with your joy.