Old friends only connect over kids
I’m part of a group of women friends who met in college, 50 years ago.
We got back in touch 20 years ago, and now meet a few times a year.
At first, conversation was varied, with personal updates, talk about current events, shared book recommendations, etc.
Very quickly, this changed to conversation that is nearly 100 percent about children.
I’m an independent gal with no children.
It’s not what I anticipated, but I’m happy with my life, especially with my fulfilling career.
The other women have little interest in my profession, and have even poo-pooed what I do.
I’ve tried to add different and relevant topics to conversations.
The responses are either “I let (inject husband’s name) handle that,” or simply blank stares.
They are all nice women, but these gettogethers with hours of conversation limited to children, children’s spouses, in-laws, relocations, etc., are unsatisfying and somewhat hurtful.
I need a way to politely decline invitations until such time that I can withstand the onslaught of kid-talk — if ever. I don’t know how long, “I’m sorry I can’t make this visit,” will hold up.
I’d appreciate your ideas as to how to decline these invitations, while maintaining the relationships.
“I’m sorry, I can’t make this visit — but keep me in mind for next time” is a polite way to respond to an invitation you don’t want to accept.
You should review whether you want to maintain these relationships outside of these visits.
People grow apart. Life events — in terms of health, careers, partners, children and various triumphs and losses affect one’s perspective.
If you choose to reconnect and want to revive and expand the topics covered on these gatherings, you might ask the group if they’d be willing to play a game of sorts and respond to “prompts.”
You can look online or at your favorite bookstore for sets of prompt cards intended to inspire lively conversations.
I also suggest bringing along any artifacts, photos or yearbooks from your shared college days as a way to reconnect by sharing your memories and anecdotes about the beginnings of your friendship.