Fear of judgment throughout life

I think it’s fair to say, most of us have felt judged by other humans on some level. Whether it be our parents, our children, our significant other, or the stranger passing us on the sidewalk, we’ve all had the experience of defending ourselves in our minds because of what we believe that person is thinking about us.

But where does that feeling of judgment actually come from? I believe we feel judgment if there’s a part of us that’s afraid there is some truth to that perceived judgment.

If you overheard one of your colleagues speaking to another saying how ridiculous you looked when you walked in with an elephant strapped to your back, what would you think? Would you feel judged? Probably not. You’d probably wonder if your colleague’s coffee had been spiked. There’s no doubt in your mind that you absolutely did not have an elephant strapped to your back. You would likely not even feel angry, just confused or amused.

However, if you overheard that same colleague saying how they thought you were not a team player and you’d been a bully during the meeting, that might sting. You might feel angry or defensive. You might start justifying your actions in your mind. Or you might even confront that colleague.

What’s the difference? One is clearly not true, the other might trigger a deep-seated fear that you are brash and insensitive. If that’s not a fear, and you’re completely comfortable with being a bully in meetings, you also wouldn’t feel judged.

The feeling of judgment comes when we’re afraid of being “found out.” When we have an insecurity or shortcoming that we don’t want others to see, and we live in fear of it being discovered.

Who is not afraid of judgment? Someone who has nothing to hide and has a solid sense of who they are. They are comfortable with their imperfections and have fully accepted everything about themselves. They have no fear of being misunderstood, because they have no need for people to understand them. They don’t need approval or validation from those around them because they’ve given it to themselves. They’ve decided there is nothing wrong with them, nothing to be judged. They are free and clear.

The thing you believe people are judging in you, is the thing you judge in yourself. If fear or defensiveness are triggered, you can almost guarantee there’s a part of you that

thinks it may be true. People may or may not be judging you, but it only hurts if you agree with them. To add to that, if people are spending their time judging you, it’s more

than likely they are pointing out in you what they fear is in them.

How many times have you judged someone, only to find yourself engaging in the very same behavior later?

I believe judgment is almost always a reflection of our inner world.

If that is true, what is

the answer?

Unconditionally loving and accepting ourselves, flaws and all. When we have decided there is nothing that could make us unworthy of love, safety, and belonging, we lose our fear of judgment. When we let ourselves off the hook for past flaws or we stop fearing we will

become our parents, we free ourselves from judgment. We also stop judging the people around us, because we begin to see them as equally worthy and acceptable.

Feeling judgment is an invitation to look within and face your fears and insecurities. Can you see these things in yourself

and decide that they don’t disqualify you as a human? Can you choose to believe that you’re not guilty, broken, or isolated? Can you give yourself an absolute stamp of approval, knowing that you’re a messy, imperfect, evolving human who is capable of good and bad? Let fear of judgment

lead you to perfect love and free you from the real judge, yourself.