Brother undecided about attending funeral

DEAR AMY >> Over the years my brother and I have stopped communicating. He is toxic, bossy and creates problems among family members.

As a result, we siblings don’t really communicate with him.

We are now all elders — with him being the eldest.

I assume I will out-live him as I am the youngest. As we age, I often wonder what I will do when he passes. Should I go to the funeral of an estranged brother if I have fond memories of our relationship from my childhood and I still have a good relationship with his son? (He also has a daughter who has removed herself from all family communication. No one knows why, but our niece’s silence occurred long before we stopped communicating with our brother.)

I would want to do the right thing by my nephew by supporting him, but I also wouldn’t want to create any problems within my brother’s family.

I and my other siblings and all our children all remain on good terms with family gatherings and communications. I believe I am the only one that attempts to stay in touch with my nephew. — Anticipating

DEAR ANTICIPATING >> Unless you strongly suspect that your presence would make things harder for your brother’s family and other survivors, then yes — you should attend his funeral. Be discreet, express your condolences, and do your best to read the room.

DEAR AMY >> I thought you went way too easy responding to the question from “Worried,” the waitress whose fellow waitress was smoking cigarettes and pot while pregnant. This is child abuse! — Upset

DEAR UPSET >> While this is definitely unhealthy for both mother and child, I stand by my advice for this co-worker to be nonjudgmental and to try to influence this pregnant woman toward better choices.