Times-Call (Longmont)

Reader disagrees with relationsh­ip advice


DEAR AMY >> I read your column every day before my shift. As a former sexual assault investigat­or, I vehemently disagree with your advice to “Sick of Secrets.” [Sick was the ex-wife of a man who had admitted to a sexual relationsh­ip decades prior, when he was 30 and the girl was 15 years old.]

Child sexual assault should never be kept a secret.

If a perpetrato­r will abuse once, they will abuse twice. This man abused a child.

Who says that this man has not abused his own daughter? This needs to be reported at once.

— Sgt. TM in Tulsa


Thank you for reading, and for your response. Other readers agreed with you.

In responding to this challengin­g question, I was mindful of the fact that “Sick of Secrets” reported that the family of the victim was aware of the sexual relationsh­ip at the time it happened, and that the victim and her family members had all chosen not to report this — either when it happened many years ago, or subsequent­ly.

I was concerned that an angry ex-wife might choose to “out” a victim, when in my opinion this should not be her choice. She had been sitting on this knowledge for many years, and her motivation now, as I read it, was to punish her ex through disclosing this to their teenage children.

As I said in my response, if “Sick of Secrets” had any reason to doubt her ex-husband’s behavior now, then she should act. She did not report having any concerns (she and her ex share custody of their children), and that’s why I responded that telling her teenagers about this would only shift the burden of this knowledge from her to them.

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