Newlywed quickly discovers man’s overt possessiveness
Dear Abby: I have been married three years. The man I married is not the person I fell in love with. After our wedding, he demanded that I take his last name. I am proud of my last name, and I didn’t want to drop it. (If only that were the sole problem.) I am no longer allowed to go out to lunch with my friends or even to see my family unless it’s on one particular day. Abby, my family means a lot to me and my friends do, too.
I don’t like being controlled. I have tried talking to him about it, but he blames everything on me. He is old-fashioned, so all my time “needs” to be here at home. I have children outside of this marriage, and my husband insists he comes first, no matter what. I do not feel that way. My children always come before anyone.
How do I fix this? If I can’t resolve it, it means a DIVORCE. I don’t want that, but my children and my family matter, and I don’t believe a couple must spend every second together. Please give me your advice.
Controlled in Tennessee
Dear Controlled: Your husband has made clear that things are his way or the highway. He isn’t going to mellow. Please take the hint, contact a lawyer and set yourself free. The alternative is to continue being treated like a hostage.
Dear Abby: My sister-in-law and her husband become very defensive when my wife or I try to suggest things we believe would benefit them. Not only are they not interested, but they complain that we are trying to run their lives. They tell us they are adults (both are in
PREVIOUS SUNDAY’S ANSWER their mid-30s) and will live their lives the way they want. Both are stuck in low-paying jobs. They frequently ask us and other relatives for money, which we have given as we are able.
What really bothers us is the way they yell at their 4-year-old son. It has reached the point that when the parents yell at the child, the child yells back at them. I’d like to help them overcome their unwise, uncompassionate childrearing strategy, but I’m afraid my sister-in-law will snap back that they will do as they wish. How can we approach them without becoming the bad guys? Wise Wife in Oregon
Dear Wife: Many parents become upset when others start offering parenting advice or are critical of their poor parenting styles. Your sister-in-law falls squarely in this category. Although you mean well, your suggestions will be poorly received, so take my advice and don’t offer any. They are not interested. If physical abuse becomes part of their “child-rearing strategy,” report them to Child Protective Services immediately.
Dear Readers: As I reflect back on this year, I would like to wish you a happy, healthy and successful 2024. Did 2023 fly by for you as quickly as it did for me? I will join you tonight in “toasting” a new year that, I pray, will be less stressful for all of us. If you are celebrating tonight, please take measures to protect not only your own health, but also the safety of others. Happy New Year, everyone!
TROY, Ohio – Each morning when she wakes up, Juanita Mengel removes the silicone liner of her prosthetic leg out from under a heated blanket so that the metal parts of the artificial limb don’t feel as cold on her skin when she straps the pieces together.
The 67-year-old Amanda, Ohio, resident then does the same for her 5-yearold dilute tortoiseshell cat, Lola-Pearl, who is missing her left hind leg.
The duo is one of an estimated 200 therapy cat teams registered in the U.S. through Pet Partners. The nonprofit sets up owners and their pets as volunteer teams providing animal-assisted interventions, where they might visit hospitals, nursing homes or schools to aid in therapy and other activities to improve well-being in communities.
“A therapy animal is an animal who’s been assessed based on their ability to meet new people and not just tolerate the interaction, but actively enjoy it,” said Taylor Chastain Griffin, the national director of animal-assisted interventions advancement at the organization.
Pet Partners registers nine different species as therapy animals: dogs, cats, horses, rabbits, guinea pigs, rats, birds, mini pigs, and llamas and alpacas.
As part of her research, Chastain Griffin studies the impact of therapy cats and argues more research needs to be done. There’s abundant research on other therapy animals like dogs, she said, but there’s often a “shock factor” involved with therapy cats because many don’t know they exist.
“They go into a setting and people are like, ‘Whoa, there’s a cat on a leash. What’s happening?’ ” Chastain Griffin said. “It kind of inspires people to connect in a way we haven’t traditionally heard talked about in other therapy animal interventions.”
Mengel said she knew Lola-Pearl would be a good therapy cat after she brought her on a whim to an amputee coalition conference about a month after she adopted the domestic shorthair.
“She was so good with people I just knew she would be a good therapy cat,”
Lola-Pearl attends an Amputees Coming Together Informing Others’ Needs meeting in Troy, Ohio. AP
Mengel said. “People really were attracted to her, too.”
During a recent visit to a limb loss support group meeting, Mengel pushed Lola-Pearl around in a stroller – labeled “Therapy Cat” – so attendees could pet the kitty as she woke up from a nap.
Whether she was sitting in the stroller, walking in between participants’ legs or cuddling on their laps, LolaPearl brought a smile to whoever she decided was worthy of her attention in that moment.
“She’s very intuitive of people,” Mengel said.
Lola-Pearl isn’t the only cat in Mengel’s life; the former traveling nurse who lost her left leg in 2006 after years of surgeries following a near-fatal car accident is a mother to seven felines, most of which have disabilities.
“They find you, you don’t find them,” she said.
Lola-Pearl was found at only a few weeks old with her back legs completely twisted together. She was unable to walk and brought to a friend of Mengel’s at an animal shelter in Missouri, where veterinarians could not help her. The shelter found specialists in Iowa who were able to splint Lola-Pearl’s legs as an attempt to save them, but they decided her left hind leg needed to be amputated.
Meanwhile, after Lola-Pearl healed from surgery, Mengel officially adopted her.