Relationship faces a big city problem
DEAR AMY » My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years, and we are still going strong. We have talked about marriage and want to marry one day. I believe that we will be married soon.
I will graduate from medical school this year. It was always my plan to live in a small town or very small city closer to beautiful nature, as soon as I graduate. I despise life in the big city and have always looked forward to the day when I would escape it.
My boyfriend doesn’t want to live in a small town — ever. His career relies on him living in a city. He loves city life.
This is the biggest of several differences between us.
I’m ready to give up my dreams to be with him, and even though I love him deeply, I think I’ll be miserable.
Will this doom us? What can we do?
— Desperate
DEAR DESPERATE » A doomed relationship could be your liberation.
According to the Association of American Medical Colleges, the United States is projected to have a shortfall of up to 121,300 physicians by 2030, owing to older doctors retiring, and the increased needs of a rising number of elders requiring more doctors.
The physician shortage is most acute in rural areas. In small towns and small cities, your ability to provide health care will quite literally be a lifesaver. You will get to know your patients and their families. The fact that you are seeking a small-town lifestyle means that you will be personally happier, once you land in the right spot.
Over a decade ago, I left the big city and moved back to my rural hometown. Unlike you, I enjoyed life in the city — but this morning I walked through the snowy woods as the sun came up. Life in the country, and being around others who also embrace this lifestyle, is a daily tonic.
Marrying someone you love while believing that you will be miserable is not a rational, healthy or adult choice. You’ve already been together for seven years. Marriage will not magically transform your personal preferences or your life’s goals. Perhaps you two could agree to a year of a long-distance relationship, where you each live where you want to live. You could also research cities with outdoorsy reputations that might give you each the lifestyle you want.
DEAR AMY » “Going Nuts in Niagara” complained about the neighbors feeding local squirrels, resulting in a large amount of empty peanut shells on their property.
You should have suggested that the neighbors feed the squirrels shelled peanuts. Why didn’t you?
— Wondering
DEAR WONDERING » I didn’t think of it. Feeding the squirrels at all was the true “nut” of the problem, but I agree that offering them peanuts out of the shell would have eliminated some of the mess.