Pondering ‘the trouble with mother’
DEAR READERS » Every year I step away from my daily column to work on other creative projects. I’ve gathered some topical “Best Of” columns from 10 years ago. I’m calling today’s topic: “The Trouble with Mother.”
I’ll be back in two weeks with fresh columns.
DEAR AMY » My 83-yearold widowed mother and I were having our weekly phone call last night when she began to repeat herself over and over. My mother’s cognitive skills are exceptional, and this had me worried. I asked if she felt OK, and she said yes, but again she began to repeat herself.
I took it upon myself to call 911. An ambulance went to the house. The EMTs examined her and found nothing wrong. Now she refuses to speak with me. She says I humiliated her. My brother and sister say I overreacted.
What do you think?
— A Very Concerned Son
DEAR CONCERNED » You did the right thing. Your mother is embarrassed, your siblings are backing her up, but there are far worse fates than embarrassment. Suffering a stroke, for instance, and not getting help.
Work with your siblings and your mother on making changes so she can continue to live safely at home. I recommend a monitoring service. For a monthly fee, she can have an intercom installed on her phone line and a “panic” button. You also should add a couple of neighbors to your contact list.
DEAR AMY » We have lived in our rental house for about eight months. There is a kitchen drawer that has, among other things, matches and batteries in it. We have a 19-month-old son who is able to open the drawer and get stuff out of it.
My husband, who is the primary caretaker of our son while I am at work, has admitted he has had opportunities to fix the situation because he is home.
I have also admitted that I bear some responsibility because I also knew that it was a problem and until yesterday, had never done anything about it.
Who is more responsible for the fact that the drawer has never been cleaned out and the dangerous items never taken out of our son’s reach?
— Wondering Mother
DEAR WONDERING » In the time it took you and your husband to bat this issue around and then for you to sit down to email me your query, your son could have ingested several batteries and learned to light his own cigarettes.
My point being: Both parents are equally responsible for removing dangers from Junior’s reach.
Ask yourself: If your son were at a daycare center or a relative’s house, would you want his caregivers to argue over who is responsible for providing a child-safe environment? Or would you want someone to just take care of it?