Divorced woman wants long-distance homebody to move
DEAR AMY >> I have been divorced for a year (my ex-husband cheated on me for years before I found out).
I am currently dating a man, “Bobby,” who lives two hours away. He owns his own business and pays his own bills BUT he still lives with his parents. Bobby is 43. He stated that there was no reason for him to move out (the business he owns is located on their property).
I am having a really hard time with that. I have been on my own since the age of 15, so I do not understand this.
Bobby’s two older sisters are married with children, and all live within a few miles of the family home.
Also, my 16-year-old daughter refuses to acknowledge Bobby. She was the one who caught my exhusband (her father) cheating — in fact, she caught him multiple times.
I know she needs adjustment time, but it has been a year since the divorce, which she wholeheartedly wanted and pushed for.
I have been dating Bobby for nine months now.
Advice on both issues, please...?
DEAR WONDERING >> Let’s start with your daughter. She is the most important person in this extended story.
She discovered her father cheating on her mother. She then endured an (I assume) extended period where her parents were in the process of separation and divorce.
You have now chosen to engage in a relationship with a man who lives two hours away.
This relationship is timeconsuming and (I assume) you are devoting a lot of energy into trying to make it work.
You have been on your own since the age of 15. Are you expecting the same level of independence from your daughter?
I have news for you — you could bring George Clooney over to the house and she wouldn’t acknowledge him. She wants you right now.
In terms of “Bobby,” here’s what you know: He lives with his folks. He always has and — if you two stay together — he will expect you to, also.
DEAR AMY >> A recent question from “Survivor” detailed horrific abuse during childhood. This got me wondering how you handle the burden of so many sad stories?
DEAR WONDERING >> My own childhood (challenging, but happy) conditioned me toward empathy. My adulthood (challenging, but very happy) has taught me compassion. I feel honored that people who have suffered so much let their stories tumble out. They are far braver than I am.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or Facebook.