Di­vorced woman wants long-dis­tance home­body to move

Times-Herald (Vallejo) - - COMMUNITY - Amy Dick­in­son — Won­der­ing Woman — Won­der­ing Reader

DEAR AMY >> I have been di­vorced for a year (my ex-hus­band cheated on me for years be­fore I found out).

I am cur­rently dat­ing a man, “Bobby,” who lives two hours away. He owns his own busi­ness and pays his own bills BUT he still lives with his par­ents. Bobby is 43. He stated that there was no rea­son for him to move out (the busi­ness he owns is lo­cated on their prop­erty).

I am hav­ing a re­ally hard time with that. I have been on my own since the age of 15, so I do not un­der­stand this.

Bobby’s two older sis­ters are mar­ried with chil­dren, and all live within a few miles of the fam­ily home.

Also, my 16-year-old daugh­ter re­fuses to ac­knowl­edge Bobby. She was the one who caught my ex­hus­band (her fa­ther) cheat­ing — in fact, she caught him mul­ti­ple times.

I know she needs ad­just­ment time, but it has been a year since the di­vorce, which she whole­heart­edly wanted and pushed for.

I have been dat­ing Bobby for nine months now.

Ad­vice on both is­sues, please...?

DEAR WON­DER­ING >> Let’s start with your daugh­ter. She is the most im­por­tant per­son in this ex­tended story.

She dis­cov­ered her fa­ther cheat­ing on her mother. She then en­dured an (I as­sume) ex­tended pe­riod where her par­ents were in the process of sep­a­ra­tion and di­vorce.

You have now cho­sen to en­gage in a re­la­tion­ship with a man who lives two hours away.

This re­la­tion­ship is time­con­sum­ing and (I as­sume) you are de­vot­ing a lot of en­ergy into try­ing to make it work.

You have been on your own since the age of 15. Are you ex­pect­ing the same level of in­de­pen­dence from your daugh­ter?

I have news for you — you could bring Ge­orge Clooney over to the house and she wouldn’t ac­knowl­edge him. She wants you right now.

In terms of “Bobby,” here’s what you know: He lives with his folks. He al­ways has and — if you two stay to­gether — he will ex­pect you to, also.

DEAR AMY >> A re­cent ques­tion from “Sur­vivor” de­tailed hor­rific abuse dur­ing child­hood. This got me won­der­ing how you han­dle the bur­den of so many sad sto­ries?

DEAR WON­DER­ING >> My own child­hood (chal­leng­ing, but happy) con­di­tioned me to­ward em­pa­thy. My adult­hood (chal­leng­ing, but very happy) has taught me com­pas­sion. I feel hon­ored that peo­ple who have suf­fered so much let their sto­ries tum­ble out. They are far braver than I am.

You can email Amy Dick­in­son at [email protected] amy­dick­in­son.com or send a let­ter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also fol­low her on Twit­ter @ ask­ingamy or Face­book.

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