Guest’s choice to post video of wedding upsets couple

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I were married last month.

This was a very small wedding with only 25 people. We had been waiting for this day for over 10 years!

I am upset that one of my new sisters-in-law took it upon herself to not only record the entire ceremony on video on her phone, but one hour into the reception, she posted the whole ceremony on Facebook.

She knows we have been off of FB for years. We don’t like to share our business on social media, and her FB account is not exactly private, either.

By the time I was finally notified of this, our wedding video had had over 800 views.

I told her to please take it down from Facebook, and her only reply was “Done.”

She has not had any interaction with me at all since then.

My other sister-in-law wants the passcode from my photographer to ALL of our wedding pictures, as she wants to print photos of her and her siblings.

I told her we have not even printed our album yet, so I am not giving access to OUR pictures, which we paid quite a bit of money for.

I told her I would be happy to have her over to view them during a visit. I will have them printed for her.

Am I wrong for standing my ground?

— Private Newlyweds in

PA

DEAR PRIVATE >> It should be considered common knowledge — and common courtesy — that no person should post a photo or video of a friend or family member on social media without the subject’s implicit or explicit permission.

Your wedding was not a public performance, but a deeply personal and intimate family-centered event.

No guest should post any photos of the bridal party from the wedding until the reception is over, and — in my opinion — no guest should ever post any video from the wedding ceremony itself without the explicit permission of the couple.

Some guests might choose to post photos of themselves from the reception while it is still going on — this is inevitable.

Some couples ask guests to “check” (surrender) their phones for a completely “unplugged” experience. Others post signs in convenient places, asking guests to please not post anything until the event is over.

Your sister-in-law crossed a boundary. You did the right thing, by quickly asking her to remove it. Her curt reply: “Done” is an acknowledgment that she did what you wanted her to do, but she is not going to be nice about it.

You are also absolutely justified in denying your other sister-in-law the passcode to your photographer’s professional pictures. These are photos that you paid for. They belong to you and your husband, and you should only share them when you’re ready.