Prospective groomsman taken by surprise

DEAR AMY >> My wife's sister “Georgia” and her fiancé; “Jon” are getting married in March.

As the wedding is getting closer, their Save the Date cards were sent out with a wedding website listed on the card.

As my wife and I were looking through the website, I was taken aback by seeing my name listed as a groomsman. I have yet to be asked by the groom or bride to be part of their day.

I feel like I should not have to reach out to them, but now I also feel obligated to be part of their day.

Am I being petty?

— The Petty Groomsman

DEAR GROOMSMAN >> Your internal reaction to this surprise doesn't seem petty (to me), but even if your reaction is actually and objectively petty — so what?

I give you official permission to have a full-on petty-party. I'll bring the cupcakes.

Once you're done, I suggest that you react to this frankly and with good humor.

If you don't want to assume this honor/obligation, you should definitely let the couple know — sooner rather than later.

If you are on the fence about this, contact both of them (via email, phone, or text) to say, “I hope your wedding planning is going well. Marcia and I were looking at your website and I was so surprised to be listed as a groomsman! I assume this was an oversight, but I think you forgot to ask me to be part of the wedding party. I'm completely in the dark about this, so please do fill me in.”

Remember this: You will never regret being polite — even when reacting to what you perceive as rudeness.

DEAR AMY >> “Clean, Please!” was worried about cohabiting with her boyfriend in his extremely dirty apartment. I was with you until you suggested that he could pay his girlfriend to clean:

“He (not you) could offer suggestions for how to address this (get his act together, hire a cleaner, or perhaps even compensate you for cleaning).”

No, no, no!

This would create a permanent dynamic where he doesn't take responsibility for his mess, and she becomes his de facto maid.

There are plenty of possible solutions but that should not be one of them!

— I Disagree!

DEAR DISAGREE! >> I realize that this is an extremely unusual suggestion. I happen to know one (longmarried) couple who have divergent standards about cleanliness.

The messier spouse compensates the cleaner spouse for the time spent keeping the house clean. I agree that this would not work for everyone.