No signal? Panic time...

Out of the mouths of non-techies... Maybe I shouldn’t call Alice that, because I’m not exactly Mr. Techie myself. However, I do have a computer, and I have been known to send or receive an e-mail, or a text or two. I work the remote when we’re watching our old movies.

Still, I would say that Alice doesn’t want to do any of that stuff. She acts like the computer is something from an alien intelligence that is not to be trusted completely. Although she has a cell phone, she doesn’t want a smart phone, insisting on a simple flip phone instead.

Okay, the stage is set. Here’s what happened.

I suddenly lost signal on my phone. Gone. Bye-bye. Not a trace. No little lines – well, not that were lit, anyway.

And words cannot convey how much I hate admitting this, but I reacted much in the same way that I would have accused the “smart phone zombies” I see all the time of reacting. I panicked. Just like I would have expected others to do, but not me. Never me. Suddenly, instead of superior, I felt naked and alone. Isolated. Even though I don’t use my phone nearly as much as a lot of the “zombies” do, not having my phone was not pleasant at all.

And there wasn’t a land line on which to fall back. I know that some folks keep land lines, for emergencies. But we had gotten rid of our land line years earlier, when we found that we were paying a monthly bill for the privilege of getting almost constant nuisance calls. We had even gotten on that so called “do not call list” but there were so many exceptions we could hardly tell the difference. Anyway, no land line.

I searched through my phone, trying to figure out if I had done something wrong.

Mostly I found out that I wasn’t getting a signal. “No Signal.” It said. Yeah, right, I get it.

There had been some thunderstorms that day, so I decided that some of the system must have been zapped. I got on my computer and asked folks if they were having any problems. I got back one reply, in the negative.

I decided to sleep on it.

Next morning, same thing. I had decided that there was some evil plot by the company that makes my phone and the network. Maybe I could organize a revolt, if only there were enough others.

It was at this point that my non-geeky, non-techie spouse said, “Why don’t you turn it off for a while and then turn it on again?”

I didn’t have an answer for why not. In fact, I didn’t have an answer for why I hadn’t already done it. Except it couldn’t possible work. How could something that simple actually have the desired effect? But, since it was suggested by someone else, I wouldn’t have to take the blame when it didn’t work. I turned off the phone.

I waited a couple of minutes.

I turned the phone back on.

I had a signal.

Alice had somehow come up with a suggestion that worked, when I didn’t have a clue.

Afterwards, I realized I should have had a clue. On numerous occasions, I have, either on my own, or following instructions, turned off my computer and had it come back in good shape when I turned it back on.

I should have thought of it. After all, that phone is pretty much a hand-held computer, even if it falls far short of a super computer.

Again, I hate admitting this, but I felt immense relief, having my phone back again. I suppose I won’t be quite as disrespectful as I have been, toward those who live through their smart phones. Although I think they are excessive in their devotion to those instruments, I can understand, at least slightly, what being connected all the time can mean.

Of course, there’s this to think about. Somewhere, I’m sure, there are mad geniuses working on ways to shut down all the cell phone systems. If any of them happen to succeed, what would happen? To tell the truth, I’m surprised no one’s made a movie about it yet. Maybe it’s too horrible to imagine, worse than all the slasher movies put together. Suddenly, there is no cell phone service, anywhere. The End Of Civilization, not as we know it, but totally.

In the meantime, I will appreciate my phone more, while trying not to be overly dependent upon it.

And yes, while I’m at it, I’ll give Alice full credit for pointing out to me what needed to be done. She got it right, while I was lost in Cuckoo Land. She has one on me now, and will probably not hesitate to use it if I ever get too uppity.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: David Nichol is a freelance writer who retired from the Times-Herald. He can be contacted at nicholdb@cablelynx.com.)