SENSE & SENSITIVTY

Employee questions co-worker’s stability

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a very unstable co-worker who makes me nervous. He has a bad temper and talks about his gun collection often. I think he fits the profile of someone who might become disgruntled and unleash their rage on the whole store. Should I say something to my boss?

Better Safe Than Sorry

DEAR BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY: Trust your instincts. If this man makes you feel uncomfortable, you should alert your boss to your concerns. Do not be an alarmist, though. Be specific. Before going to your boss, document your observations. Write down what he did or said, and when. Recall the circumstances surrounding any incidents that you want to share so that your boss is fully informed. Ask your boss not to reveal your identity, as you do not want to risk having your coworker retaliate against you. Do not discuss your concerns with others, either. Be clear and specific with your boss, and avoid gossiping.

If you find that your boss brushes it off, then it is time to take the next action, which is to report this man to the police. It may feel awkward to take this step, but it could be a lifesaving measure. If you do go to the police, share the details that you have logged so that you are as thorough as possible. After that, just do your job and watch your back. Behave as normally as you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it strange that I’m unhappy in my happy relationship? I keep feeling as if something is missing, and I’m not sure what. My partner is my best friend and I don’t think there’s anyone I’d rather be with, but I do feel that I’m not 100% excited or happy in our relationship anymore. I have no real interest in leaving them, but I feel conflicted about our future. What do you think this means for my relationship?

Unhappy

DEAR UNHAPPY: Could you be looking to your relationship for more than it has to offer? While a relationship and even a marriage should be central in your life, it does not have to be everything. Life is more dynamic and interesting when you have individual interests and pursuits, along with shared experiences. When you rely on your partner to fulfill all of your needs and desires, over time that can become burdensome to your partner and potentially boring for both of you.

Start with a self-evaluation. Pay attention to how you spend your time. What do you do during the day and evening? Who do you engage? How often are other people part of your daily experience? With what frequency do you vary your activities? What can you switch up that could make your life more fun?

Think about your own personal interests. Is there a hobby you have considered but never took the time to pursue? Are there friends you enjoy and could spend more time with? Be expansive in your thinking so that you truly consider what to add to your life that will enhance your joy and the potential for your relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams.)