SENSE & SENSITIVTY

Once-boisterous neighbor withdraws after cancer diagnosis

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been living in my building for decades now. One of my neighbors has been here a long time, too. We have been friendly over the years, even though sometimes she has been a bit much. She can be loud and obnoxious, but mostly she’s cool.

In the early COVID days, I learned that she has cancer. She used to be a boisterous woman, but now when I see her, she seems so quiet and withdrawn. She rarely stops to talk when we see each other in the courtyard of our building like we used to do. She was always the first one to party all night long. Now — nothing. I want to support her, but she never looks like she wants to talk. I don’t want to be pushy. How can I let her know that I am there for her if she needs or wants anything?

Sick Neighbor

DEAR SICK NEIGHBOR: Your neighbor has the right to her privacy, of course. Living through cancer treatment can be grueling. It’s likely that she doesn’t have the energy or drive that she used to have during this period. She just can’t muster it. Sadly, cancer often diminishes people’s personalities, especially if the people were once energetic.

Without being invasive, you can slip a card under your neighbor’s door telling her that you are thinking about her. You can write her a note offering to make her a meal or run an errand if she has a need. And when you see her next in the courtyard, be warm and engaging, even if it’s only for a moment. She will appreciate that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is considering colleges right now, and we are all on pins and needles. He is a strong student, so I feel confident that he will be accepted into good schools. But I worry that we won’t be able to afford it. We aren’t rich by a long shot, but we also aren’t in the neediest category. When I look at the cost of schools, I nearly pass out. I don’t know how we will be able to afford it. What do people do these days to pay for college?

DEAR TOO EXPENSIVE: You are part of a huge group of families who are struggling to figure out how to pay tuition. The good news is that there are thousands of colleges that charge different prices. In-state public universities are often in the realm of affordable. Community college is often a good, affordable start for the first two years.

You must fill out the FAFSA form that details your financial situation so that schools can determine what they will offer your family in financial aid. This is a grueling process, but many families end up getting some financial aid. There are many businesses that support families in navigating the process, including College Funding Services (ineedfinancialaid.com).

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams.)