Did you see that commercial?

I was thinking for a while there that the television sitting in most people’s living room today is the site of the dumbest commercials in the history of commercials. Upon reflection, I could have been wrong.

My mind had mainly been on one commercial in particular, for a certain item of clothing, which seemed to indicate that a prerequisite for owning this particular item was to be an idiot. Because the people doing it are acting like idiots. Why can’t they just wear the clothes and talk about the advantages of the product, instead of saying, “Wear this and you can act like a moron.”

Maybe there are more commercials than this one which feature the product, and I only misinterpreted the first commercial I saw. Yeah, maybe.

In addition, I have trouble deciding just which insurance commercials are the dumbest, if not the worst. The competition for pure awfulness in the insurance commercial category is fierce. Some of these commercials are enough, I would think, to scare off potential customers.

Luckily we already had our house and cars insured before these commercials started, though I have to admit, our company isn’t as ridiculous as some in its attempts to acquire new customers. I hope it stays that way.

Then there’s the guy who shows up at a “free refill” machine with a five-gallon bucket. And the man who is brought to tears because his wife (then his mother-inlaw in a later commercial) wants to use his body wash. And do I really care if bears prefer a particular brand of toilet paper?

Those are just a few samples. I’m sure there are a lot of folks out there who could make long lists. But then, when I think about it, does the present day have a monopoly on dumb commercials? After some consideration, I don’t really think so.

The absolute dumbest commercial I recall comes out of the distant past. A female reporter is interviewing a real-life baseball hero, who stops taking batting practice long enough to tell her his secret to grooming: “A man wants to smell like a man.” In fact, that was this after-shave’s motto in all its commercials. Yeah, right.

It struck me as ridiculous, because anyone with a working brain knows that the reason, the number one object in fact, for all that soap and deodorant and after shave and cologne is to smell like anything but a man (or a woman – face it, ladies). Really, if that motto is your goal, just don’t bother to bathe, use deodorant or change clothes for a couple of weeks, and brother, you’re gonna smell like a man.

And while it may not have been the dumbest commercials of all time, the award for the silliest should go to Mr. Whipple, whose lifelong mission was to keep ladies from squeezing a certain brand of toilet tissue. There was a whole series of these commercials.

There was another commercial – this one featuring a popular antiseptic. This was a really long time ago, but I swear it was real. It showed a family gathering, and an uncle sneezes. Then is shown – I forget if it was a table top or the floor – where a disgusting blob of mucus has landed. No problem, just wipe it up, using this product.

Actually, that ad might go into another category, of the offensive rather than dumb.

Another commercial comes to mind. It wasn’t quite as offensive as the last one I mentioned, but it could be interpreted as an implied insult aimed at those using other products. It was a soap commercial which asked, “Aren’t you glad you use (a particular brand) of soap?” But then went on to add: “Don’t you wish everybody did?”

And actually, there is one commercial making the rounds today that fits into the offensive category, at least in my opinion.

This commercial – which admittedly may only be offensive to me – is for a sexual enhancement product, and the woman’s cries of “More! More!” while they are “engaged” is making their Siri or Alexa or which ever of those things it is, order mass quantities of stuff. This is supposed to be funny, I guess. Personally, I really don’t need it.

I guess the old exhortation, “Get a room,” doesn’t work anymore, because they’re in a room.

Yes, yes, I know that not every commercial can be inspiring to me like “I’d Like To Teach the World To Sing,” or truly funny to me like “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing,” or “Where’s the beef?” And I know that there is a philosophy that says annoying commercials stick in the mind, and therefore lead to more sales.

That may be true, but I can truthfully say that there have been products I have steered clear of because of their commercials.

Love them or hate them, commercials are what makes a lot of the TV we watch possible. And if any are objectionable, at least today I don’t have to walk across the room to do something about it; I love my remote, don’t you?

(EDITOR’S NOTE: David Nichol is a freelance writer who retired from the Times-Herald. He can be contacted at nicholdb@cablelynx.com.)