A conspiracy unmasked?

There always seem to be a lot of conspiracy theories floating around, and nowadays seems to have more than its share. Whether it’s politics, economics, religion, or anything else, there are always those convinced that someone’s up to no good.

However, there’s one conspiracy I don’t hear mentioned, which means either it’s only a conspiracy against me alone by a sinister party, or it’s a conspiracy and everyone else is in on it. Hey, just because I’m paranoid, it doesn’t mean there aren’t folks out to get me.

Anyway, I haven’t heard any conspiracy theories about the weather. Oh, I don’t mean the claims for and against global warming – that’s beyond my pay grade and gets more political every day. I’m talking about a much smaller conspiracy. Against me, personally.

I’ll give you an example. I recently had a bad sinus infection. During this time, the yard needed mowing. Honestly, folks, I was too sick to do it. And when I started getting a little better, it was too hot. I decided I’d try to do it on day when things were supposed to cool down a little.

Such a day came, and first, I needed some gas for the lawn mower. I walked out into bright sunshine. I took the gas can to my regular filling up place. While filling, I noticed a cloud or two. On the drive home, not only were there clouds, but raindrops began appearing on my windshield.

Was it natural for that to happen so fast? If this was a TV show, it would be time to fade to a commercial, leaving the watcher in suspense. Since I have no commercial, I’ll simply give my opinion: This is part of the war that Ma Nature has waged against me from Day 1. I am not about to mow wet grass. Someone had to know that little fact about me.

To complete my belief in a conspiracy, it seemed that the moment I put away the gas can and went inside, the rain stopped. Well, it hadn’t rained enough to get stuff really wet, yet. So I stepped out onto the back porch. At that point, thunder sounded, and to my eyes, or imagination, it got darker.

I know there are some who would say I was looking for an excuse to get out of yard work. And usually they’d be right; I always look for an excuse. But this was one time when I was giving in to the inevitable, like I always do eventually. Now the yard’s going to be harder to cut than it would have been. And Mother Nature is off somewhere, snickering, or maybe even laughing out loud.

There are other weather conspiracies afoot, if you think about it.

Just last week, we experienced the Summer Solstice, which includes the longest day of the year. Although we may not notice it yet, the days are gradually getting shorter now.

So how come they aren’t getting cooler? Huh?

Yes, yes, I know somebody with a degree in meteorology would explain that it has more to do with the angle between the earth and sun than it does the length of the day. Well, that might be correct, but just because something is right, that doesn't make it fair.

We aren’t in the hottest part of the summer, yet. Or that’s the case most years, we can hope that July, August and early September might be cooler than mid-June was. Yeah, we can hope.

Oh, I know the old saying, that everybody talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it. Well, it’s one thing we can’t do much about, at least not when you’re caught out in a hail storm.

But we’ll talk about it, anyway. I think we can all agree with Frank McKinney Hubbard: “Don’t knock the weather. Ninetenths o’ th’ people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.”

I’m hoping for a change. I’m sure I’m not alone. I don’t want winter. I just don’t want to walk outside and wonder if I should take a fire extinguisher with me, in case I burst into flame.

•••••

A couple of weeks ago, in this column, I mentioned that there was a bi-partisan bill in the works to establish a bit of gun control. At that time, I said I’d believe it when I saw it. Well, I’ve seen it.

Now, do I think this law will put an end to all gun violence? No way. This law will not prevent some nut case from walking into a business, or a school for that matter, and dealing death.

Right now, probably the best we can hope for is that some particular weapons might be harder for some particular people to get, making for a lower body count because they have to stop and reload. That’s probably all we can do, until we develop the ability to read minds.

That seems a long way off.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: David Nichol is a freelance writer who retired from the Times-Herald. He can be contacted at nicholdb@cablelynx.com.)