My anxiety is stressed

I found it interesting that scientists believe that adults should get routine anxiety screening. That’s according to some big task force.

Personally, it seems to me that if you’re suffering form anxiety, you don’t need screening to tell you. If you have anxiety, you’re anxious, right? It’s from the same word, isn't it?

Then I found out I was, according to the experts, making a huge mistake, maybe even committing a sin, because I was thinking that anxiety was the same thing as stress.

Not so, say the experts. Nearest I can figure, after reading several learned explanations: Stress is from an outside force pressing in, while anxiety is from within. That’s probably an oversimplification, but I think I get what they mean.

An example could be what happened to me Sunday morning, and I ask that folks not get too turned off when they hear my tale of woe. Anyway. I flushed the toilet, and it happily overflowed on me.

Okay, according to the definitions I’ve read (and think I understand), that event caused me stress. It definitely didn’t make me want to bake cookies. I mopped and cussed and cussed and mopped. And our plumber proved he was a true gentleman by coming on Sunday and fixing the problem, since it was an emergency of sorts.

So my stressor was removed and I was relieved. However, if I start worrying over whether it’s going to happen again, that’s when we get into anxiety. Do I get that right?

I noticed similarities from other incidents in my own personal passing parade:

A kitten gets trapped between the radiator and grill on my car and I have to get it out – stress, all the way. Worrying about whether it’s going to happen again – anxiety rears its ugly head. At least, I guess it does.

Sometimes anxiety comes first, followed by stress. I’m reminded of the horror years in school, when I would be weighed down over night with anxiety over what might happen when (not if, when) I didn’t turn in my homework, because I hadn’t done it (uh, a frequent occurrence). This anxiety, of course, was then followed by the stress of actually not having the homework, and getting The Look from my teacher.

Later on in life there was the stress of applying for a job, followed, after I got the job, by the anxiety of worrying whether I’d be a success or not.

There was the stress of asking a girl for a date at any stage of my life, followed, even if she said yes (especially if she said yes) by the anxiety of worrying about whether she’d have a good time or think I was a dud. (Don’t laugh. I have all kinds of sympathy for Harry Potter, trying to work up the courage to ask Cho to the ball.)

I’m sure there are many more examples. Readers could probably give a few examples, themselves. But I think I’ve made my point. Besides, the stress of trying to think up all these examples is giving me anxiety. Or something. Whatever.

•••••

Do you ever find yourself missing a word or expression that you don’t hear anymore? Maybe wishing it was still around? That thought came to me earlier in this column, when I mentioned getting The Look from a teacher. That teacher was Mrs. Simpson.

And thinking of her reminded me of something she used to say to me when I messed up in Latin class (another frequent occurrence).

She’d look at me, tut-tut and say, “Well, you’ve got a smatterin.’” Of course, she meant “smattering,” which refers to superficial knowledge. The thing is, she is the only person I remember ever using that word, with or without the final “g.” I have not heard it since I left her class, and sometimes I get a little nostalgic for it.

On another subject, I used to wonder if my grandmother was just making it up when she said, “Land o’ Goshen!” But as soon as I started on this column, I decided to see if I could find it. Sure enough, it’s a real place, though I think I already knew that. It is also a real expression, although an old-timey one. According to one definition, “Land o’ Goshen is “a mild exclamation of surprise, alarm, dismay, annoyance or exasperation.” Some folks think that is where the term, “gosh,” originated.

Well, I don’t know about “gosh.” But shucks, seems to me that the expression could still be useful today. There’s plenty of stuff around to be surprised, alarmed, dismayed, etc., over. I know that Mammy Maw (I only called her that when I was little) would be using it today (along with some other expressions I better not repeat; she could be a rather earthy gal. Land o’ Goshen!).