Heavy on the nog, please

I know that I always complain over the early arrival in stores of goods dealing with that December holiday whose name I do not mention until after Thanksgiving. However, even at my most curmudgeonly, there is one early arrival about which I simply cannot complain. In fact, I rejoice.

The eggnog is here (fanfare, please). That means at least one good thing is happening as we slip-slide into the Holiday/Eating Season.

I love eggnog, and have not exactly been successful in trying to make it myself. Try as I might, The store-bought stuff is better than my best efforts.

And why it isn’t available year-round is beyond me. It's like they’re taunting us.

Anyway, we’re just getting into October, and I challenge anyone to convince me that it’s too early for eggnog. What better on a cool evening in the fall? And what could possibly be wrong with having a cup of eggnog on Halloween? (Call it scary nog if you wish.)

I usually don’t hear eggnog mentioned in plans for Thanksgiving, but that doesn’t mean it’s banned or anything. It tastes just as good after turkey as it does any other time.

And as for that as-yet-nameless holiday in December, that used to be the only time I could get any eggnog at all. It was when I was a little kid, and it was usually only available to me the night before the Big As-Yet-Unnamed Day. And then it was in a ridiculously tiny little paper cup. It mysteriously appeared and then just as mysteriously disappeared. I thought, and continue to think, the grownups were hogging it all, under the guise of protecting my young tummy from getting upset on all the richness. Yeah, right.

So I’m glad I don’t have to wait as long now, and can drink as much eggnog as I want. In fact, if I could wish for one animal of my very own, I’d wish for one of those cows that give eggnog.

Okay, okay, I know that’s not how it works. But wouldn’t it be great if it really did happen that way? Can you imagine having your own eggnog-giving Bossie right out back, where you could have all the eggnog you wanted, anytime you wanted it? It would be beyond great. Beyond anything.

Yeah, okay. I’m getting overheated. But a fella can dream, can’t he? Alas. And alack.

•••••

I’m in a quandary. I want to be a lawabiding person. But all these red-flag warnings are being issued, telling folks not to indulge in outdoor burning.

I guess what I really need to know is, does this apply to grilling as well?

You can see my point, right? Beautiful fall weather, cool evenings. The kind of day that just makes a guy like me long to take to the grill. The last time I grilled, I raked away all the nearby leaves and even watered the ground around the grill a little, as a precaution. Was that enough?

Yes, I know, it could be that grilling isn’t one of the things that folks aren’t supposed to do. Even charcoal grills might be considered safe. So why don’t I just call someone in authority and ask? Because I’m chicken.

Here’s the deal. If I don’t call and ask, I won’t get bad news. And maybe I can just sneak out back and grill my “country style ribs.” Then again, I might end up being sprayed with a fire hose. Like I said, I’m chicken.

It isn’t easy, being me.

•••••

I read a quote recently that seemed outdated. It came from a U.S. Senator.

“Americans are increasingly aware that their privacy is evaporating before their eyes,” said the senator. Really? Seemed to me that the good senator, while well meaning, was a bit behind the times. I thought most of our individual privacy evaporated some time ago.

And no, I’m not one of those tinfoil hat-wearing conspiracy nuts who see sneaky, evil plots by Communists, or a secret world government, or aliens from outer space, etc., behind every tree and under every rock.

No, I’m just someone who looks around and sees how easily our personal information can be had in the computer age. And I admit, I’m about as guilty as a lot of people. I buy a lot of stuff online. I don’t do my banking online, but a lot of folks do. And we all share a lot of stuff about ourselves, sometimes without even realizing we’re doing it.

Computer experts are always warning us that we make our passwords too easy to break. And way too many of us let it be known when we’re not going to be home.

Thing is, I don’t know what to do about it. I’m typing this on a computer, for cryin’ out loud. I’m not sure I’m in favor of burning all the computers. Maybe it’s not all that bad, and we can keep a bit of ourselves.