Wed­ding show­ers bor­ing for grooms

Times Standard (Eureka) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - You can con­tact Amy Dick­in­son via email: askamy@amy­dick­in­son.com and fol­low her on Twit­ter @ask­ingamy. Amy Dick­in­son

DEAR AMY » I’ve at­tended sev­eral wed­ding show­ers re­cently where the groom stands around look­ing bored, posts to so­cial me­dia things like, “Save me,” and the at­ten­dees of­fer “con­do­lences” that he has to spend his day with only women.

I re­al­ize these things are meant in jest, but af­ter wit­ness­ing this over and over again, it gets ir­ri­tat­ing.

We women are an im­por­tant part of the bride and groom’s life and have taken a day out of our busy lives to cel­e­brate them and shower them with gifts.

And I’ve got news for the groom — these show­ers aren’t al­ways fun for us, ei­ther! How many silly games can one per­son play?

But I’d never post an im­age say­ing “save me” just be­cause I’m sick of small talk. Com­ing from a fe­male at­tendee, that’d be seen as im­po­lite.

Do you agree that this is rude, un­der­ly­ing sex­ism? Or am I be­ing too sen­si­tive? — Save Me

DEAR SAVE ME » Back in the day, “wed­ding show­ers” were called “bri­dal show­ers,” and were at­tended only by women. The prospec­tive groom would some­times duck in near the end of the event as a “sur­prise,” and ba­si­cally do his rooster dance in the hen­house. The whole thing was a reen­act­ment of tra­di­tional gen­der roles and peo­ple mainly played their part. (Like many peo­ple, I have never en­joyed these par­tic­u­lar rit­u­als and de­spite two mar­riages,

I have never agreed to a shower.)

If you are at­tend­ing “wed­ding” (not “bri­dal”) show­ers, then shouldn’t other male friends also be in­cluded? Aren’t men an im­por­tant part of wed­dings?

Sadly, the an­swer is “not re­ally,” be­cause while we are cur­rently in a tran­si­tion phase of find­ing new ways to form fam­i­lies and to cel­e­brate them, we are still cling­ing to an­ti­quated rit­u­als, in­clud­ing ways to get peo­ple to give us gifts when we don’t re­ally need them.

The an­swer to your di­rect ques­tion is: Yes, the bored grooms at these show­ers are be­ing rude. The at­ten­dees com­mis­er­at­ing with them are di­min­ish­ing their own value as guests.

Yes, it is rude to post “save me” mes­sages at an “off-brand” event. That in­cludes par­ents who post this from kids’ birth­day par­ties, young adults who post this from their grandparen­ts’ houses, and that time I posted “SOS, send vodka” from an in­law fam­ily re­union.

But some­times “save me” re­ally IS funny. It is al­ways meant to draw faux sym­pa­thy to the per­son post­ing it.

Maybe the next time you wit­ness this, you could post a pic­ture of the “save me” guy with the cap­tion: “Some­one please save ME from the ‘save me’ guy.”

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