Wedding showers boring for grooms
DEAR AMY » I’ve attended several wedding showers recently where the groom stands around looking bored, posts to social media things like, “Save me,” and the attendees offer “condolences” that he has to spend his day with only women.
I realize these things are meant in jest, but after witnessing this over and over again, it gets irritating.
We women are an important part of the bride and groom’s life and have taken a day out of our busy lives to celebrate them and shower them with gifts.
And I’ve got news for the groom — these showers aren’t always fun for us, either! How many silly games can one person play?
But I’d never post an image saying “save me” just because I’m sick of small talk. Coming from a female attendee, that’d be seen as impolite.
Do you agree that this is rude, underlying sexism? Or am I being too sensitive? — Save Me
DEAR SAVE ME » Back in the day, “wedding showers” were called “bridal showers,” and were attended only by women. The prospective groom would sometimes duck in near the end of the event as a “surprise,” and basically do his rooster dance in the henhouse. The whole thing was a reenactment of traditional gender roles and people mainly played their part. (Like many people, I have never enjoyed these particular rituals and despite two marriages,
I have never agreed to a shower.)
If you are attending “wedding” (not “bridal”) showers, then shouldn’t other male friends also be included? Aren’t men an important part of weddings?
Sadly, the answer is “not really,” because while we are currently in a transition phase of finding new ways to form families and to celebrate them, we are still clinging to antiquated rituals, including ways to get people to give us gifts when we don’t really need them.
The answer to your direct question is: Yes, the bored grooms at these showers are being rude. The attendees commiserating with them are diminishing their own value as guests.
Yes, it is rude to post “save me” messages at an “off-brand” event. That includes parents who post this from kids’ birthday parties, young adults who post this from their grandparents’ houses, and that time I posted “SOS, send vodka” from an inlaw family reunion.
But sometimes “save me” really IS funny. It is always meant to draw faux sympathy to the person posting it.
Maybe the next time you witness this, you could post a picture of the “save me” guy with the caption: “Someone please save ME from the ‘save me’ guy.”