Reader ex­plodes in anger over small slight

Times Standard (Eureka) - - HOME + GARDEN - By Harriette Cole

Dear Harriette: About a week ago, I in­vited a friend of mine to hang out with me. We planned the day out and every­thing. Then, com­pletely last-minute, my friend can­celed on me. At that point, I don’t know what be­came of me; I ex­ploded. I was so an­gry for no ap­par­ent rea­son and said some nasty stuff to my friend. I re­al­ized my mis­take and apol­o­gized im­me­di­ately. Luck­ily, we are still good friends, but I don’t know why I would get so an­gry over noth­ing. I am scared that I might not be able to con­trol my anger in the fu­ture. What can I do so that I won’t ex­plode again? — Su­per An­gry

Dear Su­per An­gry: Be­fore you beat your­self up, take a mo­ment to re­view what hap­pened. You and your friend planned a day to­gether. It’s not like you planned some­thing and forced it on the per­son. What was your friend’s rea­son for can­cel­ing? Did it sound valid to you? Or do you feel that your friend blew you off?

Clearly you were look­ing for­ward to get­ting to­gether with this per­son. It hurt your feel­ings that your spe­cial day was dashed. Per­haps it was ex­treme to go off on your friend, but it sounds like it is not with­out some cause. You were dis­ap­pointed.

Yes, it is good to con­trol your emo­tions, but I wouldn’t be so fast to con­vince your­self that you got an­gry “for noth­ing.” Be­ing dumped for the day is some­thing. Ac­knowl­edge

that and ac­cept that it is nat­u­ral for you to be dis­ap­pointed, if not also up­set. In the fu­ture, you can de­cide not to re­tal­i­ate in the mo­ment with ven­omous words. But it is OK to let a per­son know that you don’t ap­pre­ci­ate the change in plans at the last minute, es­pe­cially if the rea­son doesn’t seem le­git­i­mate.

Dear Harriette: One of my best friends may be into me, and I don’t know what to do. I have been friends with him for over a year, and we are pretty close. We have a lot in com­mon, and when­ever you see us, chances are, we are dy­ing laugh­ing in a cor­ner. He is a great friend. He al­ways of­fers to pay when­ever we go out. He is the per­son I go to when­ever I have a prob­lem. He is my best friend, and I want it to stay that way. How­ever, lately he acts a bit too close. I don’t want to ruin the friend­ship that we have. What do I do to tell my friend that we should stay friends? — Friend Zoned

Dear Friend Zoned: I think you should step out of your com­fort zone and see what hap­pens if you let your guard down.

You can tell your friend how much you ap­pre­ci­ate him and want to en­sure that your friend­ship en­dures.

You can ad­mit that you are skit­tish about go­ing to the next level be­cause you don’t want to risk the bond that you treasure.

Talk to him about your trep­i­da­tion.

See where his mind is. You may want to agree to see what hap­pens if you date.

He could turn out to be your best friend AND soul­mate. Isn’t that worth a try?

Harriette Cole is a lifestylis­t and founder of DREAMLEAPE­RS, an ini­tia­tive to help peo­ple ac­cess and ac­ti­vate their dreams. You can send ques­tions to askhar­ri­ette@ har­ri­et­ or c/o An­drews McMeel Syn­di­ca­tion, 1130 Wal­nut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

It is OK to let a per­son know that you don’t ap­pre­ci­ate the change in plans at the last minute, es­pe­cially if the rea­son doesn’t seem le­git­i­mate.

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