ELMER ERNEST COX

August 26, 1932 - February 19, 2020

Elmer Ernest Cox passed peacefully from aspiration pneumonia on February 19, 2020 surrounded by loving family members. Elmer was a resident of Sydney Creek Memory care in San Luis Obispo, CA, although he lived most of his adult life in Humboldt County, CA, where he worked in Eureka in law enforcement. He was born August 26, 1932 to Elmer Joshua Cox and Alma Elizabeth (Treymane) Cox in King City, CA, and was the eldest of five siblings, two of whom survive him (Carl Cox and Sharon Loudakis). Siblings Barbara and Diane preceded him in death.

Elmer’s wife, Betty Lou Cox (Wooden), preceded him in death in 1997. With Betty, Elmer had five daughters who survive him: Alicia Shewmaker (and husband David Shewmaker), Elaina Jackson-Henry (and husband Del Henry), Adina Cox, Valerie Cox-Langton and Krista CoxDelany. Elmer has eight grandchildren who survive him: Megan Shewmaker, Chloe’ and Tom Goodwin (Adina’s children), Jesse and Dimitri Langton-Cox, and Tim, Sara and Erin Delany.

Elmer came from humble beginnings, and was, along with his other siblings, abandoned by his mother, (who herself had suffered from severe abuse and addiction), when he was 12 years old. His father was a field hand with a third-grade education who was sent to California from Oklahoma as a child. Being the eldest, Elmer took on many family responsibilities. When old enough to work, he also helped to financially support the family. He attended Analy High School in Sebastopol, where he participated in track, basketball and football. He caught the winning touchdown in Analy High School’s homecoming and Dedication of the lights game. They won the game, beating Santa Rosa, in a David and Goliath competition.

Elmer’s father and stepmother required him to work for his father’s cabinet shop (earning no salary) when he was a senior in high school, actually going to the school and telling the school leadership that he would only attend school two days per week so that he could work in the shop the other days. Rather than go along with this program, he dropped out of high school and joined the Navy when he was 18 and served in the Korean War. He sailed from San Francisco on a destroyer and earned several medals and an honorable discharge.

When back from the Navy, Elmer met his future wife when he offered to give Betty a ride as she waited for a bus in the pouring rain. They were married shortly thereafter on March 16, 1957 giving birth to the first of their five girls in May of 1958.

Elmer was the first in his family to receive a college degree, earning a double major in political science and journalism from San Jose State University. He said that the only reason he went to college was because he had benefits afforded by the GI bill, and he was forever grateful for that opportunity. Elmer joined the Santa Clara Sheriff’s department as a deputy sheriff in 1962, serving in that capacity until he joined the California State Parole as an adult Parole Agent. He worked his way up the ranks to regional manager, district manager and ultimately unit manager, where several districts reported to him. Despite his humble and troubled childhood, Elmer was a caring and loving father and husband and instilled the values of honesty, integrity, work ethic and family in his children.

Secretly, Dad always wanted a son. We used to joke that this is why he had five daughters, as they kept trying for a boy. We think that he wanted a son who would have participated in sports, like he did in High School. His daughter Adina did participate in extramural basketball, and he attended every one of her games, even if they were “away” games. He was very proud of her.

Elmer valued his role of father and grandfather. At one point, when one of his daughters was discussing how difficult parenting young children could be, he said “this is the best time of your life. It doesn’t get any better than watching your young children grow up.”

Elmer will be remembered for many things, but certainly for his sense of humor. He would be the first person to “get” a joke, and laugh at himself. His sense of humor could sometimes be corny and silly, and always witty. He had several nicknames for his daughters. Alicia was “Leaky Loa.” Elaina was “Yani with the beedy yip.” Adina was “DJ, you Dirty Guy.” Valerie was “Boo.” Krista was “Kitty Cat Cox.” He could be a tough disciplinarian, but he would usually come through for his daughters when the chips were down. He was our rock.

Dad did not have the benefit of being taught manners and the finer graces by his parents. Somehow, he managed to learn these on his own. Because of this, he showered his children with lessons and lectures about table manners and politeness. Once, when Adina’s kids were about 7-10 years old, she told them if they caught dad with his elbows in the table she would give them each $5 to say “Grandpa, Grandpa strong and able, keep your elbows off the table,” a frequently heard adage in our house when we were growing up. Chloe’ and Tom enthusiastically waited for Dad to put his elbows on the table, and were soon rewarded, singing in unison, “Grandpa, Grandpa strong and able….” He laughed so hard, never minding being the “butt” of the joke. He actually probably enjoyed it as much or more than everyone else. It was a long overdue victory for Adina, and $10 was a small price to pay.

He told one story from his childhood where he and several of his friends and cousins purchased Eskimo Pie ice creams at the local market. Elmer was the youngest of the group, and his friends tricked him into believing that if, after he ate the ice cream, the words “Eskimo Pie” were etched onto the stick, he could give the stick to the store and get a free ice cream. Dad did what they suggested, and they watched, snickering. The clever market owner figured out that his friends were joshing him, so he gave Dad a free ice cream. When Dad came out of the store eating the ice cream, his friends hurriedly went to the store owner to acquire their free ice creams, and the store owner said, “Sorry. Just one free ice cream per day.”

When Elaina was a freshman in college, she joined the university newspaper as a reporter. Her first assignment from editor Brian Akre was to write an article on the upcoming election of the new Humboldt County Sherriff. Elaina was terrified about this assignment, and almost dropped out of the class because of it. But Elmer helped her to write the questions to ask the candidates, and the ensuing article ended up being somewhat controversial, and was quoted in the daily newspaper, the Times Standard. What could have been a tragedy for Elaina turned into a triumph, and gave her the confidence to move forward not only in journalism, but in overcoming challenges in general later in life.

Dad had a stroke in 2017 and Elaina took him to the hospital. He was slurring his words and was weak on his left side, but he hated the hospital and wanted to leave. The serious and stoic doctor came into the room, and Dad sat upright in bed to hear what the doctor had to say. “Good morning, Mr. Cox. How are you feeling today?” the doctor said. Dad, without missing a beat, said just as seriously and stoically back to the doctor, “With both hands.” Needless to say, the doctor released Dad out of the hospital that day.

Elmer was diagnosed with dementia in 2016. It was difficult watching our witty, intelligent father slowly not be able to read (this was his favorite hobby) and lose his memory. Although he always maintained his sense of humor, and ability to laugh at himself. Dad was cared for by his daughters at home for several years until his dementia worsened to the point that he needed to be in a more structured and monitored memory care facility. The caregivers loved him and frequently told us he was their favorite resident. Although living with dementia is agonizg

g g ing, Elmer was able to have many moments of joy when his daughters and grandchildren took him on a European vacation, scenic drives, family gatherings, the beach, wineries, nice lunches and to the movies. Elmer’s life was a life well-lived. He will be missed.

Memorial services for Elmer will be held March 14, 2020, 11 am to 2 pm at the Spyglass Inn, Coastal Bluffs Banquet Room, 2705 Spyglass Drive, Pismo Beach, CA 93449. The memorial will be a seated luncheon and RSVP is required. Please text RSVP to 775-233-3456.