Reader wants daugh­ter to re­con­sider nose ring

Times Standard (Eureka) - - LIFESTYLE - By Har­ri­ette Cole

Dear Har­ri­ette: My col­lege stu­dent daugh­ter came home with a ring in her nose. I am dumb­founded. I don’t mean to be a prude, but why would she do such a thing? She says she wants to work in the fi­nan­cial sec­tor, mean­ing Wall Street or some­place like that. While other busi­ness ar­eas may be more flex­i­ble, my un­der­stand­ing of the fi­nan­cial world is that it is still very con­ser­va­tive. I can’t imag­ine that a nose ring will be pos­i­tive for her on job in­ter­views.

I don’t want to be the mom who is al­ways telling my child what to do, but I can’t imag­ine what was in her head. How can I get her to wake up and pay closer at­ten­tion to the ca­reer choice she has made for her­self? I don’t want her to fail be­fore she gets started. — Nose Ring Vs. Ca­reer

Nose Ring Vs. Ca­reer: It is still your role to guide your daugh­ter. Or­ga­nize a face-to-face meet­ing with her where you agree to have a can­did con­ver­sa­tion. Ask your daugh­ter why she got a nose ring. Bite your tongue, and let her ex­plain. Ask her what she thinks the reper­cus­sions might be in her field of in­ter­est. Listen for her re­sponse.

Tell her what you know about the fi­nan­cial ser­vices world. Point out that as codes of con­duct and style of dress are soften­ing in many busi­ness are­nas, to your knowl­edge, they are still pretty con­ser­va­tive in fi­nance. Ask her if she has thought about whether the way she presents her­self could af­fect the way that she is re­ceived in her field of in­ter­est.

Sug­gest that she re­con­sider the nose ring. Worst case sce­nario, sug­gest that she hide it or re­move it for job in­ter­views.

Dear Har­ri­ette: I had a great-aunt who took her own life when she reached re­tire­ment age. She was a do­mes­tic worker for her whole life, and when she couldn’t work any­more, she lived with my grand­mother and felt like a bur­den.

One day, she sat on a sofa and told the fam­ily that she wasn’t go­ing to eat any­more; she never ate an­other morsel of food. She died some months later. Her ra­tio­nale was that she didn’t want to be a bur­den on the fam­ily.

I feel like I am in the same boat. I have not worked for sev­eral years. I have ex­hausted my sav­ings; I lost my home and have no prospects of earn­ing in­come. My fam­ily has of­fered to take me in, but I would hate to be a bur­den on them. Do you think I should just stop eat­ing like my great-aunt? It seems like a slow death, but at least I would not be steal­ing food off my fam­ily’s ta­ble. — Way to Go

Dear Way to Go: Your great-aunt’s demise is tragic, even if it rep­re­sents her tak­ing con­trol of her life. I pray that you will not make that choice. In­stead, if you truly have no as­sets, you can look to the govern­ment for sup­port. While this may be an ar­du­ous, un­pleas­ant process, you may be able to find govern­ment hous­ing for se­niors that will take you in dur­ing this ten­der pe­riod in your life.

Don’t give up. Do your re­search to find help so that your fam­ily does not have to carry your weight and so that you can stay alive and vi­tal. For more de­tails, go to el­der­caredi­rec­­sources.htm.

Dear Har­ri­ette: I have been wor­ried for a long time. As a col­lege stu­dent, you are re­quired to know what you want to do. I have an idea of what I want, but it’s not set in stone. I love to draw and write. I have cre­ated big projects for my­self and shared them with oth­ers. My dream is to one day show my work to the world, but that dream is a hit-or-miss propo­si­tion. I need to think re­al­is­ti­cally, since some make it big, while oth­ers don’t. I am cur­rently aim­ing to go to law school and be­come a lawyer, but I have been hav­ing sec­ond thoughts.

Lately, I have been look­ing into fine arts schools so that I can fo­cus on what I like and im­prove my writ­ing and art. How­ever, I don’t want my fam­ily to think that my dreams are use­less and a waste of a col­lege ed­u­ca­tion. I am wor­ried that I am not fol­low­ing my dreams, but fol­low­ing other peo­ple’s expectatio­ns. It feels like

Tell her what you know about the fi­nan­cial ser­vices world. Point out that as codes of con­duct and style of dress are soften­ing in many busi­ness are­nas, to your knowl­edge, they are still pretty con­ser­va­tive in fi­nance.

where I am at is just a big waste of time. I am at a cross­roads, and I don’t know what to do. I am al­most a junior, and I am all over the place. What should I do? — Scared for the Fu­ture

Dear Scared for the Fu­ture: You can­not live any­one else’s life. You have to live your own. If you do

not want to be an at­tor­ney, don’t go that route. It’s way too time-con­sum­ing and ex­pen­sive to pur­sue, un­less you are com­mit­ted to it. If your love is the arts, start do­ing some se­ri­ous re­search to de­ter­mine what types of jobs ex­ist in your ar­eas of in­ter­est. Then find an ed­u­ca­tional pro­gram that will teach you how to do that. You may be able to have a job in the arts as you also de­velop your cre­ative tal­ents for a fine arts ca­reer. Fig­ure out what is pos­si­ble, and go for it.

Har­ri­ette Cole is a lifestylis­t and founder of DREAMLEAPE­RS, an ini­tia­tive to help peo­ple ac­cess and ac­ti­vate their dreams. You can send ques­tions to askhar­ri­ette@ har­ri­et­ or c/o An­drews McMeel Syn­di­ca­tion, 1130 Wal­nut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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