Reader wants daughter to reconsider nose ring
Dear Harriette: My college student daughter came home with a ring in her nose. I am dumbfounded. I don’t mean to be a prude, but why would she do such a thing? She says she wants to work in the financial sector, meaning Wall Street or someplace like that. While other business areas may be more flexible, my understanding of the financial world is that it is still very conservative. I can’t imagine that a nose ring will be positive for her on job interviews.
I don’t want to be the mom who is always telling my child what to do, but I can’t imagine what was in her head. How can I get her to wake up and pay closer attention to the career choice she has made for herself? I don’t want her to fail before she gets started. — Nose Ring Vs. Career
Nose Ring Vs. Career: It is still your role to guide your daughter. Organize a face-to-face meeting with her where you agree to have a candid conversation. Ask your daughter why she got a nose ring. Bite your tongue, and let her explain. Ask her what she thinks the repercussions might be in her field of interest. Listen for her response.
Tell her what you know about the financial services world. Point out that as codes of conduct and style of dress are softening in many business arenas, to your knowledge, they are still pretty conservative in finance. Ask her if she has thought about whether the way she presents herself could affect the way that she is received in her field of interest.
Suggest that she reconsider the nose ring. Worst case scenario, suggest that she hide it or remove it for job interviews.
Dear Harriette: I had a great-aunt who took her own life when she reached retirement age. She was a domestic worker for her whole life, and when she couldn’t work anymore, she lived with my grandmother and felt like a burden.
One day, she sat on a sofa and told the family that she wasn’t going to eat anymore; she never ate another morsel of food. She died some months later. Her rationale was that she didn’t want to be a burden on the family.
I feel like I am in the same boat. I have not worked for several years. I have exhausted my savings; I lost my home and have no prospects of earning income. My family has offered to take me in, but I would hate to be a burden on them. Do you think I should just stop eating like my great-aunt? It seems like a slow death, but at least I would not be stealing food off my family’s table. — Way to Go
Dear Way to Go: Your great-aunt’s demise is tragic, even if it represents her taking control of her life. I pray that you will not make that choice. Instead, if you truly have no assets, you can look to the government for support. While this may be an arduous, unpleasant process, you may be able to find government housing for seniors that will take you in during this tender period in your life.
Don’t give up. Do your research to find help so that your family does not have to carry your weight and so that you can stay alive and vital. For more details, go to eldercaredirectory.org/state-resources.htm.
Dear Harriette: I have been worried for a long time. As a college student, you are required to know what you want to do. I have an idea of what I want, but it’s not set in stone. I love to draw and write. I have created big projects for myself and shared them with others. My dream is to one day show my work to the world, but that dream is a hit-or-miss proposition. I need to think realistically, since some make it big, while others don’t. I am currently aiming to go to law school and become a lawyer, but I have been having second thoughts.
Lately, I have been looking into fine arts schools so that I can focus on what I like and improve my writing and art. However, I don’t want my family to think that my dreams are useless and a waste of a college education. I am worried that I am not following my dreams, but following other people’s expectations. It feels like
Tell her what you know about the financial services world. Point out that as codes of conduct and style of dress are softening in many business arenas, to your knowledge, they are still pretty conservative in finance.
where I am at is just a big waste of time. I am at a crossroads, and I don’t know what to do. I am almost a junior, and I am all over the place. What should I do? — Scared for the Future
Dear Scared for the Future: You cannot live anyone else’s life. You have to live your own. If you do
not want to be an attorney, don’t go that route. It’s way too time-consuming and expensive to pursue, unless you are committed to it. If your love is the arts, start doing some serious research to determine what types of jobs exist in your areas of interest. Then find an educational program that will teach you how to do that. You may be able to have a job in the arts as you also develop your creative talents for a fine arts career. Figure out what is possible, and go for it.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.