Estranged husband should cut the knot

DEAR AMY » I am 72. I’ve been married for 50 years to the same woman.

Three years ago, I moved out of our beautiful home of 35 years because she became verbally abusive. She has been a harsh, judgmental person, driven by worry, for most of our lives. I concluded that I was enabling her behavior by trying too hard to make her happy.

We raised two beautiful, productive, professional “kids” in our partnership, who are now in their 40s. We don’t have grandchildren.

Now I have fallen in love with a 71-year-old woman who is quite the opposite of my harsh spouse. She is warm, generous, positive, and hopeful. Her longtime husband is an alcoholic.

She has adult children and grandkids that she loves and that depend on her.

This woman and I have had a deeply serious emotional, physical, sexual, and intellectual relationship for the last two years. I will not close the door on this “end of life” renewal with this spiritually beautiful woman. But I would also never intentionally hurt her extended family relationships, nor do I want to hurt my wife.

What do you think we should do? How will this end? — Torn

DEAR TORN » My crystal ball is on the fritz, and so I don’t know how this will end, but I assume it will end the way most complicated entanglements end — with a variety of responses and reactions across a wide spectrum.

You have already left your wife, and perhaps you should complete the process by legally dissolving your very long marriage. Will this hurt her? Probably. Will she blame you for her hurt? Definitely.

Given what you describe about your affair partner and her tight family, she may choose to stay in her marriage.

Many huge life choices boil down to the tension inherent in the need to live in relationship to others — and yet not be controlled by them.

I would never want to judge or deny any two good people a beautiful late life love. But to conduct your relationship with integrity, you will both have to make some tough choices, understanding that your choices will hurt some other people.

DEAR AMY » Thank you for running the amusing letters from “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” who reported on their coronavirus quirks.

It really made me smile. I’ve been learning to bake bread, which makes everybody else smile — because my “fails” are hilarious. — Half Baked

DEAR BAKED » The best part of baking fails is that you get to eat the evidence.